All I need is a black mask!

I am done with Halloween!  We are participating in a Trunk or Treat thing tonight at church.  I have mixed feelings because 1) I like passing out candy to the kids coming up to my door and 2) I don't need a safe alternative.   But, realizing it's not about me, I agreed to take my car up and participate. (Actually, my son volunteered me!)

I realized yesterday that we were to decorate our car.  THEN, I realized everyone was dressing up.  I feel funny dressing up as an adult.  Initially, I thought how hard can it be to dress up? Keith and I would be 'old' super heroes. Well, the day of Halloween it's pretty hard to find all the pieces for a costume!  The first few discount stores I went to, when I inquired about different items, like a black mask, the sales associate informed me they had been out of "that" for weeks, as in, why would I even ask!  I even looked for black construction paper, a black headband and tape.  Apparently black construction paper is popular on October 31st. SO I went to one of those Halloween stores.  When I walked in I realized I was a little late.  I found a friendly looking zombie working there and asked if they had just a black mask, you know that could pass for Batman.  The zombie asked if I wanted a sexy mask?   HUH?  As I looked around everything in adult sizes was sexy or gruesome!  I don't think at 57 I could or should try to pull of sexy anything! All I need is a black mask people!  I finally found a mask in the back on the floor that had been returned.  I bought it.  I figured it wouldn't be worn long enough to catch any germs!

When did Halloween become bigger than Christmas?  When did we go from dressing up in costumes made at home to designer costumes that come in only sexy or gruesome.  Yes,  I could have bought the child's mask but I knew that wouldn't fit!  There was a little boy behind me in line with a horrible looking, blood dripping costume.  I just stared at his mom.  I thought, he is too young to want that. You want that. Glancing around, I saw that many of the children's costumes that were being bought were horrible.  I wanted to run get the Minnie Mouse outfit and exchange it with them.

Call me crazy but I think we have the responsibility to choose wisely for our kids.  I think we should tell our kids, no that costume is inappropriate or offensive or just not funny.  I think I have more of a problem with all the 'sexy' costumes than the gruesome ones.  You can tell kids a gruesome costume is just silly, pretend.  But what message are we sending when we dress up as, or see walking down the street, 'sexy' nurse?  Most young kids don't know what they really want or if they do, they need guidance.

I would like to think we would ban together and boycott them.  But I know better. So tomorrow I will start getting in shape for my 'sexy' grandma costume for next year!

Be safe and please don't let your kids eat all
the candy.  Throw it away or take it to the office!

Keep 'em busy

I was at a conference today and the speaker was explaining how Ready Rosie empowers parents to help their child be ready for school.  The big buzz word is "universal" prek.  Actually,  for many children prek is too late.   Parents need to be in partnership and modeling good rich oral language from birth on.

One thing Ready Rosie discussed was the added benefits parents had seen from watching the Ready Rosie video clips.  There was a resounding consensus that their children's behavior had improved since viewing the videos.

Obviously, that got me thinking.   It's true, though.  We know that language needs to be authentic and in context.  We also know that in addition to the academic, or 'school' words, kids just need lots of words to use, to hear, to explore.  We also know that one predictor of early reading is the number of words kids know, the size, depth of their oral language.

So what does all of this have to do with discipline?  Think about it.  You are waiting to check out at the grocery store and your child has decided to grab/touch everything in sight.  Instead of arguing with your child how about work on oral language?  Ask, Do you see anything that begins with the  s sound in our basket?  Do we have anything that has two syllables?   Is there anything that needs to be refrigerated, kept cold? etc.  

Hand your child two items out of the cart and ask things like: which feels heavier?  Which is softer, harder?  Which is lighter? Do you think we have more cold things or things that go in the pantry?  Do we have more salty or sweet things?

By doing things like this in line while checking out not only are you keeping your children engaged, you are also growing their oral language!

I don't care if it hurts his feelings....it's my health!

I am very excited to be attending the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) conference next week in Dallas.  I love conferences, especially national ones.  The best of the best, the cutting edge, the most up to date researchers are there presenting.  I get so excited every time I attend a national conference.

At the same time I get frustrated and overwhelmed at the job ahead of us sometimes.  Here is my frustration, maybe you can help me out.

Here are a few 'truths'.

• There are great teachers and administrators out there who stay up to date on current 'best practices'.
• There are teachers and administrators who read professionally and attend national conferences.
• There are teachers and administrators who haven't read a professional book, since they left college (and for some it was a long time ago!)
• There are teachers and administrators who never attend national conferences, or even regional ones.
• There are teaches who tweak their craft regularly based on new research.
• There are teachers who are still doing the same things they have done for (insert #) years.

Unless you home school, your children will be in one of those rooms.

Teachers tell me regularly that many of the things they have done, they have 'always' done it like that. Well, we used to all attend school in one school room too but we figured out that wasn't the most effective way to teach.

Our children of today are different then we were.  They learn differently than we did.  There are so many more resources available to children today that we certainly didn't have.

So here are a few questions I have.  Why as parents, do we not ask our child's teacher if he/she  reads professionally and if so, what was the book?  Why don't we ask if they ever attend conferences?   Why don't we do our homework on our child's teacher? Would we go to a doctor who hadn't read professionally in years?  Would we send our tax information to an accountant who wasn't up on the latest tax laws?  Yet, we send our kids off to school assuming they are getting the teacher who reads professionally and stays current on research.  

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago.  After her oncologist gave her the prognosis, she chose to go get a second opinion in a different state!  A mutual friend asked, aren't you afraid it will hurt your doctor's feelings that you are getting a second opinion? I can't print word for word my friend's reply, but it was basically, I really don't care if his feelings are hurt, it's my health!

That should be the feeling we have towards our child's teacher.  We are not there to be friends with the teacher, yes that's nice if it happens.  But we are there to be sure our child is getting the best education for that year from the best teacher there is.  Every child deserves that.  That doesn't happen unless we ask questions.

While you are thinking about what questions to ask your child's teacher, ask them if the program follows the NAEYC guidelines.  Based on the answer, you know what the follow up question should be.

I am SO sorry!

Yes, on behalf of all 'older' parents (parents who have grown children) I want to apologize for what we say.  Particularly the statement, Enjoy every  minute, one day you will miss it!  Those two statements have caused more guilt than any others I can think of.

The other night we decided to go out to eat  as a family including our 22 month old grand daughter. We do it all the time and she behaves beautifully.  This night, however, she wasn't feeling well, cough, runny nose, grumpy and so on.  Short story, she wasn't happy.  She wanted to go inside, then outside.  Wanted a chip, didn't want the chips on the table.  Typically, if we can distract her she is fine.  Nope, she started a blood curdling cry.  As everyone stared, I took her outside, trying to hide behind the dumpster so nobody could see I couldn't get a 22 month old to stop crying.  I finally went back and motioned to her mom to come out, tell Pops we were leaving, tell the others to help themselves to our drinks, but we were out of there.  I thought if we drove around the parking lot she would calm down.  Never, she threw herself on the floor of the car and then became stiff so we couldn't get her in the car seat.  She finally calmed down after I ran into a near by store, bought a sippy cup and milk.  Her mom was almost in tears and so was I!!  I secretly wanted to yell, STOP CRYING!

None of us involved in the ill fated dinner enjoyed it.  Nor should we.  And, truth be told none of us will miss that!  Yes, we will miss the funny things Lola does at this age, but to tell a parent to enjoy a tantrum throwing child at that moment is a lie.  Just as big a lie is to tell parents they will miss that. No one has ever enjoyed that!

Luckily, no one said that to any of us.  I can't say how I would have reacted.  But I have observed well-meaning moms tell  young moms they should enjoy every minute because there will come a day when they will miss their little kids.

I don't know of any parent who at one time or another didn't think, what WAS I thinking?  There are days when nothing goes right and the children all seem to be possessed!   You just survive those days.  You don't enjoy them and nor should you!  Believe me, you will miss some days, but not those!

So parents, don't beat yourself up if you don't enjoy when your children push your buttons or throw tantrums.  Don't feel guilty.   You won't miss those days!  I don't.  Do they grow up quickly? Yes! Do I like to reflect back and think about when they were little?  Sure. I love my children, I have loved watching them grow and become wonderful adults.  There were some stages that were hard to endure.  And honestly, there were some stages I thought about giving them away. (Not really.)

So give yourself a break.  The next time your child is behaving badly, and someone tells you to enjoy it, smile politely and say, no thank you!

Play-dough Power

I love this article, Playdough Power.  It speaks to the importance of allowing our kids to play with Play-dough and the important literacy and math skills that can be learned.  More importantly, it includes a recipe to make your own!  Sadly, most schools have gotten rid of play-dough for you know, the important stuff like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Before you over-react, those are very important, but so is playing with play-dough.  Many kids come to school with horrible fine motor skills.   They develop those skills working with play-dough, among other things.

We can argue all day as to why schools no longer allow it, but that would serve no purpose.  Most have done away with it, so we have to move on and hope the pendulum will eventually swing back. Until then what is keeping you from getting it out for your child?  My control issues went into overdrive if my kids mixed the colors.  I had to ask myself, why did I care?  Let them mix the colors.  It could make a mess, but once it dries, it's easy to sweep up.  If you use the recipe from the article, you don't have to worry as much about cost.

Kids love just rolling the dough between their hands making long snakes.   All the Play-dough kits are fun, making cakes, cupcakes, animals etc., but so is rolling and making balls or just
creating.

We can complain all day about it not being in schools any longer, and we can also make sure our kids play with it at home.

Roll out the play-dough!

WHAT??? Time for yourself?

This morning I was running with a friend who is the mother of a 2 year old and expecting her second. We were discussing her work schedule and whether or not she would continue to work while the 2 year old was in preschool 2 days.  She is contemplating maybe getting a nanny type person to take her son to school and pick him up.  Her husband thinks, even if she doesn't work the full day, she should still take the time for herself.  What?? My friend admitted that the other day she had actually taken a little time for herself.  Rather than a feeling of relaxation, she felt guilt.  Yes guilt.

When my children were still at home I thought I had to be super mom.  I worked full time teaching but when my feet hit the house, I transformed into super mom. No one was going to accuse me of not being a good mother just because I worked!  No sir!  On the surface I loved it. But I was stressed.  My husband would tell me to join a gym or run or do something.  I tried to explain that I didn't have time, I was a mom, had homework, laundry, meals, cleaning and, and, and.  One day he said, Our family would be better off if you WOULD take some time for yourself!  Ouch!  But he was right.  I needed time to refuel, recharge so I could be a better mom.  My kids would survive an hour without me.

Our society tries to get all moms to believe they can do it all, stay home, work from home, always have clean laundry, an immaculate house and make homemade ornaments for everyone in their extended family.  Oh and look beautiful the entire time. You can't.

In fact, you need to take time for yourself.   Your child needs you to.  Your child needs to be around other children 1-2 times a week without you hovering.  Your child needs to learn how to play with others not only to share but to learn how to problem solve.  Your child needs to learn how to 'be' without mom in eyesight. It will make the transition to school so much easier.  Sometimes when kids have had mom's 100% attention 100% of the time, they come to believe they have that with every adult in every situation.  Learning to wait your turn to talk is hard.

Now if you really want to be crazy, take time each week or every couple of weeks for you and your husband...no kids!  I promise your kids will survive.

Dreaded Parent/Teacher Conferences - MAKE SOMETHING UP!

If you haven't participated in a parent/teacher conference yet, unless you home school, you will sooner or later.  With three children we had a few.  We didn't have as many as  we should have.  Our children were mostly 'conformers' or 'teacher pleasers'.  In other words, they didn't get in trouble and they made good grades.  What I found out was that teachers didn't have conferences with parents like us.  Once I called and set one up and the teacher was speechless.  She didn't understand why I wanted a conference.  Well, for starters, I just wanted to know how my child was doing.  The reply was 'fine.' The teacher couldn't really say anything specific about my child.

Over the years I have drawn the conclusions that teachers see conferences as a time to tell you what your child isn't doing or can't do  How far behind he/she is, how disruptive your child is.  It's hard for teachers to find good things about a disruptive child or a child who may bring scores down.

Every parent deserves to hear good things about their child.  Even a child who is disruptive does something good! Typically a parent already knows if their child is behind.  If the parent seems to be in denial, more often than not it's to save face.  Parents really aren't stupid!! If the teacher does start in on the laundry list of what your child doesn't or can't do, thank her and then ask what CAN he/she do. It's a red flag if the teacher can't think of anything.  It's also very sad.

If your child is behind more than likely the teacher will tell you all the things you need to do at home to bring him or her up to 'grade level'.  Please be sure and ask what the teacher is going to do to bring your child up to grade level.  You see, that's why you send  your child to school.  Yes, a little support may be needed at home but a lot of support and differentiation is needed at school!

Conferences should be a time to hear good things about your child and things that need to be worked on.   Again, if there is a list, ask the teacher to prioritize the needs.  Then start working on them one at a time.  When your child asks how was the conference or what did the teacher
say, share the concerns.  Share the positives too.  If there were no positives, MAKE SOMETHING UP!!