How Many Parenting Books Do You Have?

My oldest daughter, Emily, wanted to be a on pee wee drill team all through elementary school.  All her friends were on it.  We wouldn't let her participate.  She did participate in age appropriate tap and ballet classes.  I just had fundamental issues with pee wee football/drill team stuff.  She kept telling us that she would NEVER make cheerleader in middle school because only the girls who had been in peewee drill made it.  So be it then she wouldn't make it.  But, interestingly she did make and made it all through high school.  It would have been easy to cave and let her participate because anyone who was anyone participated in pee wee drill.  It seemed to be the thing to do.  We didn't cave and it still worked out.

I was in a book store recently and was overwhelmed by the number of parenting books available. There are books on how to raise every type of child imaginable.   There are books on how to raise the angry child, the stubborn child, the bilingual child, the child interested in science, the defiant child, the child with artistic potential, the obnoxious child (okay maybe not obnoxious) but seriously I was overwhelmed.  I didn't see a book on how to raise a normal child.  I wondered how many parents buy these books and turn their child into a defiant child.  Or how many parents walk out feeling like complete failures.

Parenting is made out to be so complicated.  If you don't have a college picked out before your child starts Kindergarten then you are a slacker.  If your child doesn't save 10% of his allowance he will never grow up to be fiscally responsible.   Your child only speaks one language?  Oh wow! There are enough parents at any little league game or dance studio to tell you how incompetent you are.

I am not saying if you teach your child another language or if you teach your child how to save money you are a bad parent.  Not at all.  There is a difference between exposure and teaching.  Even at that, if you want to teach your child some of these things, great but not at the expense of everyone's happiness.  If you don't do these things you are still a good parent.  And on a side note, I have met plenty of children who are in every type of class but could use a class on compassion for others.

Jennifer Senior in her article, For Parent Happiness is a Very High Bar, makes some very good arguments to slow down and take a deep breath.   I love what she says about focusing on "decency, a work ethic, love — and let happiness and self-esteem take care of themselves. I think if we all did that, the kids would still be all right, and so would their parents, possibly in both cases even better."

Imagine what our schools and playgrounds would look like if children came just with a sense of love and decency for each other and a sense to work hard on whatever they work on.  Maybe 2015 could be the year to focus on that!

In the mean time, take a deep breath and tell yourself you are a good parent!