I am SO sorry!

Yes, on behalf of all 'older' parents (parents who have grown children) I want to apologize for what we say.  Particularly the statement, Enjoy every  minute, one day you will miss it!  Those two statements have caused more guilt than any others I can think of.

The other night we decided to go out to eat  as a family including our 22 month old grand daughter. We do it all the time and she behaves beautifully.  This night, however, she wasn't feeling well, cough, runny nose, grumpy and so on.  Short story, she wasn't happy.  She wanted to go inside, then outside.  Wanted a chip, didn't want the chips on the table.  Typically, if we can distract her she is fine.  Nope, she started a blood curdling cry.  As everyone stared, I took her outside, trying to hide behind the dumpster so nobody could see I couldn't get a 22 month old to stop crying.  I finally went back and motioned to her mom to come out, tell Pops we were leaving, tell the others to help themselves to our drinks, but we were out of there.  I thought if we drove around the parking lot she would calm down.  Never, she threw herself on the floor of the car and then became stiff so we couldn't get her in the car seat.  She finally calmed down after I ran into a near by store, bought a sippy cup and milk.  Her mom was almost in tears and so was I!!  I secretly wanted to yell, STOP CRYING!

None of us involved in the ill fated dinner enjoyed it.  Nor should we.  And, truth be told none of us will miss that!  Yes, we will miss the funny things Lola does at this age, but to tell a parent to enjoy a tantrum throwing child at that moment is a lie.  Just as big a lie is to tell parents they will miss that. No one has ever enjoyed that!

Luckily, no one said that to any of us.  I can't say how I would have reacted.  But I have observed well-meaning moms tell  young moms they should enjoy every minute because there will come a day when they will miss their little kids.

I don't know of any parent who at one time or another didn't think, what WAS I thinking?  There are days when nothing goes right and the children all seem to be possessed!   You just survive those days.  You don't enjoy them and nor should you!  Believe me, you will miss some days, but not those!

So parents, don't beat yourself up if you don't enjoy when your children push your buttons or throw tantrums.  Don't feel guilty.   You won't miss those days!  I don't.  Do they grow up quickly? Yes! Do I like to reflect back and think about when they were little?  Sure. I love my children, I have loved watching them grow and become wonderful adults.  There were some stages that were hard to endure.  And honestly, there were some stages I thought about giving them away. (Not really.)

So give yourself a break.  The next time your child is behaving badly, and someone tells you to enjoy it, smile politely and say, no thank you!

Play-dough Power

I love this article, Playdough Power.  It speaks to the importance of allowing our kids to play with Play-dough and the important literacy and math skills that can be learned.  More importantly, it includes a recipe to make your own!  Sadly, most schools have gotten rid of play-dough for you know, the important stuff like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Before you over-react, those are very important, but so is playing with play-dough.  Many kids come to school with horrible fine motor skills.   They develop those skills working with play-dough, among other things.

We can argue all day as to why schools no longer allow it, but that would serve no purpose.  Most have done away with it, so we have to move on and hope the pendulum will eventually swing back. Until then what is keeping you from getting it out for your child?  My control issues went into overdrive if my kids mixed the colors.  I had to ask myself, why did I care?  Let them mix the colors.  It could make a mess, but once it dries, it's easy to sweep up.  If you use the recipe from the article, you don't have to worry as much about cost.

Kids love just rolling the dough between their hands making long snakes.   All the Play-dough kits are fun, making cakes, cupcakes, animals etc., but so is rolling and making balls or just
creating.

We can complain all day about it not being in schools any longer, and we can also make sure our kids play with it at home.

Roll out the play-dough!

WHAT??? Time for yourself?

This morning I was running with a friend who is the mother of a 2 year old and expecting her second. We were discussing her work schedule and whether or not she would continue to work while the 2 year old was in preschool 2 days.  She is contemplating maybe getting a nanny type person to take her son to school and pick him up.  Her husband thinks, even if she doesn't work the full day, she should still take the time for herself.  What?? My friend admitted that the other day she had actually taken a little time for herself.  Rather than a feeling of relaxation, she felt guilt.  Yes guilt.

When my children were still at home I thought I had to be super mom.  I worked full time teaching but when my feet hit the house, I transformed into super mom. No one was going to accuse me of not being a good mother just because I worked!  No sir!  On the surface I loved it. But I was stressed.  My husband would tell me to join a gym or run or do something.  I tried to explain that I didn't have time, I was a mom, had homework, laundry, meals, cleaning and, and, and.  One day he said, Our family would be better off if you WOULD take some time for yourself!  Ouch!  But he was right.  I needed time to refuel, recharge so I could be a better mom.  My kids would survive an hour without me.

Our society tries to get all moms to believe they can do it all, stay home, work from home, always have clean laundry, an immaculate house and make homemade ornaments for everyone in their extended family.  Oh and look beautiful the entire time. You can't.

In fact, you need to take time for yourself.   Your child needs you to.  Your child needs to be around other children 1-2 times a week without you hovering.  Your child needs to learn how to play with others not only to share but to learn how to problem solve.  Your child needs to learn how to 'be' without mom in eyesight. It will make the transition to school so much easier.  Sometimes when kids have had mom's 100% attention 100% of the time, they come to believe they have that with every adult in every situation.  Learning to wait your turn to talk is hard.

Now if you really want to be crazy, take time each week or every couple of weeks for you and your husband...no kids!  I promise your kids will survive.

Dreaded Parent/Teacher Conferences - MAKE SOMETHING UP!

If you haven't participated in a parent/teacher conference yet, unless you home school, you will sooner or later.  With three children we had a few.  We didn't have as many as  we should have.  Our children were mostly 'conformers' or 'teacher pleasers'.  In other words, they didn't get in trouble and they made good grades.  What I found out was that teachers didn't have conferences with parents like us.  Once I called and set one up and the teacher was speechless.  She didn't understand why I wanted a conference.  Well, for starters, I just wanted to know how my child was doing.  The reply was 'fine.' The teacher couldn't really say anything specific about my child.

Over the years I have drawn the conclusions that teachers see conferences as a time to tell you what your child isn't doing or can't do  How far behind he/she is, how disruptive your child is.  It's hard for teachers to find good things about a disruptive child or a child who may bring scores down.

Every parent deserves to hear good things about their child.  Even a child who is disruptive does something good! Typically a parent already knows if their child is behind.  If the parent seems to be in denial, more often than not it's to save face.  Parents really aren't stupid!! If the teacher does start in on the laundry list of what your child doesn't or can't do, thank her and then ask what CAN he/she do. It's a red flag if the teacher can't think of anything.  It's also very sad.

If your child is behind more than likely the teacher will tell you all the things you need to do at home to bring him or her up to 'grade level'.  Please be sure and ask what the teacher is going to do to bring your child up to grade level.  You see, that's why you send  your child to school.  Yes, a little support may be needed at home but a lot of support and differentiation is needed at school!

Conferences should be a time to hear good things about your child and things that need to be worked on.   Again, if there is a list, ask the teacher to prioritize the needs.  Then start working on them one at a time.  When your child asks how was the conference or what did the teacher
say, share the concerns.  Share the positives too.  If there were no positives, MAKE SOMETHING UP!!

Come here, sit down, not yet, help your sister!

I love this quote! 

     "The primary need of children is to know they are loved. It is learned through consistent responsive & nurturing interactions!"  

Children know they are loved by the time we spend with them. We don't have to spend every waking moment with them. Obviously if we work outside the home that isn't possible. But when we are with them are we being responsive and engaging in nurturing interactions? Do we set aside time for just them?

I was at a neighborhood coffee shop the other day, killing time between appointments and there was a group of moms with small children. It was mid morning so either the children were home schooled or not in school yet. I was there about an hour, the moms were there when I got there and still there when I left. The moms were engaged in lively conversations about all the things they had coming up. Here are a few: gymnastics, piano lessons, upcoming birthday party, soccer. That was just for the kids. The moms discussed all of their upcoming activities too, everything from spa days to yoga to 'shopping' trips. There was a little part of me that thought, Wow, they have a lot of activities, they are being exposed to a lot! But in the whole hour I was there, they never interacted with their children except to tell them to stop, get down, come here, pick up that napkin, help your sister, throw that away. One child kept asking his mom to look at something. The mom kept saying in a minute. In the hour I was there, apparently the minute never came.

There were no nurturing interactions. The interactions were only commands or directives. As I drove away, I thought how many of us talk to each other that way. I don't mean rudely, none of the moms were rude, just direct. At the end of the day can we say we spent nurturing time with our kids? Can we say we gave them our time, uninterrupted by electronic devices? Did we just sit with them and listen to them, hear what they have to say?

In our world today we run from thing to thing to thing. I hear parents say, We've been running all day! They get home, get bathes and go to bed. Yes, we want to have our kids in activities. Mine were! However, as the above quote says, the basic need is to know they are loved. We show that love by spending quality time with them.

Fight for public schools....yes even you!

Whether you are Republican, Democrat, Independent or any combination, if you are reading this blog, you are more than likely a parent.  If you aren't a parent, you live in the U.S. and at least care about children.  Please read the entire blog.

The upcoming elections are very important for the future of public schools.  You home-school you say.  My children go to private school.   That's ok, mine attend a charter school, it doesn't concern me.  We left public schools!  You couldn't be more wrong.

The future quality of public schools effects all of us.  Children who attend private, charter, and home schools will eventually grow up and live in a world with other people who did go to public school. 

Our future country will be led by people who attended all sorts of schools. Yes, even public.  We need public education that develops all children to the best of his or her ability and allows them to be contributing citizens.  Contributing citizens who can think, not just bubble in an answer.

Did you know that the current Texas legislators cut $5.3 billion out of the public schools a few years ago, and at the same time gave Pearson a contract for almost $500 million.  Pearson is the company who develops all the tests that are mandatory in Texas.  Teachers didn't request all the tests, Parents didn't request them, hmmmm.  I find that interesting.

Politicians will tell you education in Texas is fine.  Really?  With all the testing and 'leaving no child behind', why do we rank 49th in the country?  If the funding is fine, why are we cutting music and art programs, not to mention field trips? 

There is a huge push for universal prekindergarten so that all children can enter school ready for success.  There is a push for high quality daycare that is developmentally appropriate.  That's a good thing.  San Antonio and Dallas County are working to achieve this.  We need developmentally appropriate prekindergartens.   Not another 'grade' for Pearson to test, as is being recommended by some. 

We hear a lot of talk about vouchers and on the surface who would be against vouchers to attend private schools.  Here's the deal.  The vouchers don't cover uniforms.  You live 10 miles away from the private school.  Oh sorry, we don't provide transportation and the voucher doesn't cover it.  The private school still has the right to not accept you.   I have problems with politicians not telling me the whole story. 

The current system is flawed, we need an overhaul, a reform but not by business people who know nothing about education.  Not by big companies that benefit from the reform.  There are several grassroot organizations led by parents.  Yes, that's who we need, parents, along with teachers.

Here are a couple of interesting articles:

Say Goodbye to Public EducationFrank Breslin: The Gates, Broad, Walton and Koch Foundations vs. America's Public Schools

Testing the Limits: A Texas Mother’s Radical Revolt Against Standardized Tests

As voters, we have the power to change things.  Even if you want things to stay the same, do your homework.  Research each candidate, look up how incumbents voted on education issues.  Talk to teachers.   

It really is important.

SOOOOOO easy!

Do you ever wonder why your  young child can read McDonald's but not other words?  Or what about other words in our environment like, Power Ranger  Have you ever been out and about and from the back seat you hear, I want McDonald's.  If you are like I was, you say, Oh, there isn't a McDonald's close to us.  To which your sweet one says,  Yes, there is right over there.  Much to your surprise they can read the sign amongst all the other signs at the intersection.

Environmental print is just that, the print in our environment, our everyday lives.   It is everywhere and children have a natural connection to it.  They see it everyday and in authentic context...their world.   

Hopefully your child's preschool or Kindergarten is using environmental print.   It is a natural link to the letters and sounds in words.   You can say, That's right, that's an 'M' just like in McDonald's.   That word starts just like Taco in Taco Bell.  The sound of 'w' is hard but not if they can read Wendy's.

If your child's teacher isn't using environmental print like this teacher, ask them why?  But you can use it!   Make a little book titled,  Foods We Like and put a logo/word of different foods your child likes.  You can find images for Kraft Mac n Cheese boxes and other foods on the internet.   Try a book about the games you play.   If a book is too hard, make a memory/concentration game.  I promise your kids will benefit.

Hopefully your child is doing things with environmental print like this at school.   If not, ask why not?  It never hurts to ask.