You just have to play in the snow

This is Christmas week.  I don't know of very many people that are 'ready', except my oldest sister. But really, are we ever ready?  There is always one more gift to buy, one more thing we could bake and at some point we all say, I'm done!  Not doing anything else!  We feel we can't slow down.

This week we are in Estes Park, Colorado.  My grand kids have been several times in the summer but never in the winter.  Since they live in Texas, they rarely see snow...real snow...snow that falls all evening and into the night!  Imagine their excitement.

When they asked (late at night) if they could put on their snowsuits and go out and play, it was ever so tempting to say, No, wait until the morning.  It's too late, it's too cold!  In fact, I think a couple of the adults tried to talk them out of it.  Being the Grandma though I trumped the other adults.  (This one time.)  We got all bundled up and went out and made a few snow angels, threw a little snow, froze, came back inside.  And yes, it took longer to get all dressed and undressed than it did to actually be outside.

I would do it again because it was "THE BEST night",  all 5 minutes of it.   Would I have gone out by myself?  Absolutely
not.  Did I have time?  I didn't think so.  But it takes little kids to remind us to slow down and just go out in the snow.  Whatever I was going to do during that 5 minutes didn't get done.  I don't even remember what I was going to do.  It's not important.

This holiday break, don't tell your kids to wait.   Go play that game.   Go for that walk.  Read that book.  All the important stuff you need to do will wait.  I promise!

Are you stressed yet?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!   Not only by things around me but by the Facebook posts and comments from friends.  It truly breaks my heart to see and hear young moms stressed about getting everything done in these last few days before Christmas.  A friend of my daughter's posted that she would not be sending out Christmas cards and she was terribly sorry and hoped everyone understood.  (She has three young boys.) REALLY?  If people don't understand they don't have kids and I say, take them off the list!  Better yet, let them babysit so you can get your cards done.  This will be the third year I haven't gotten mine done and my kids are grown!  I have good intentions but life gets in the way.

If  you watch any television you will be reminded once again how everything should be perfect. Today I heard that we should all be wrapping gifts for individual people according to their interests. So, for Parker I should be drawing Spiderman on all his presents.  Zoey's presents should have a Frozen theme.  I did that one year before kids.  Guess what, the gifts were all ripped open and nobody saved the beautiful, clever construction paper applique I had made.  Today, I wrapped gifts and slapped sticky gift tags on each one -  didn't even have bows.  We travel and I am tired of the bows getting squashed.  I can promise you, everyone will love their gifts just as much.

Teacher gifts were always stressful to me.  Will they like it, should I have done more, what is everyone else doing?  If you are thinking, "Oh $^%3, I didn't think about teacher gifts, don't worry about it!   My favorite teacher gifts were the ones children made or picked out.  I still have the ornaments a student made my first year of teaching.  She cut them out herself and they were out of pink and green felt!   Love them.  Then there was the year a child made an 'ornament' for me which was aluminum foil crumpled into a ball.  That was it!  He said he knew I would love it and I did.  My nephew, one year gave his teacher a shoebox full of his favorite things.  She loved it.   My husband always loved when I got baked goods, I don't bake.  If the teacher is any good, she will love whatever it is because she will realize it is sent in love.  Parker made a card for his teacher, I know she will love it, i would.

What is more important than having the perfect tree and getting your cards out is being 'present' with your children.   Read Christmas and other holiday books to them.  Watch a Christmas special on television.  Snuggle up and drink hot chocolate together.  Make some cards or write a letter to a friend.  Facetime with family.

Christmas is a time for family, so enjoy your family.  They will be grown before you know it.  And, trust me, they really aren't into snuggling and drinking hot chocolate with you when they are 20 something.

Jesus had pets and only one fairy???

Over the weekend I was reminded how young children try to make everything 'fit' their background knowledge.  I always say they have only been on this earth a short time and they spend a great deal of that time trying to make sense of the world. Which I might add is very confusing.

Zoey, my 4 year old grand nugget helped me get out some of my nativity sets.  I was explaining to her who everyone was.  She was quite interested.  I thought I did an exceptional job explaining the birth story! There was one that I let her 'play' with, setting it up and resetting it.  She started explaining to her big brother, Parker,  that the camel, donkey and sheep were pets.  Who knew, Jesus had pets!  She then asked me why there was only one fairy, some of you might refer to it as an angel.  What made me realize, she was four and my great explanation didn't really sink in was when later she asked me if she could put my 'doll' set up again.  So after my great nativity explanation, she came away with the nativity is a doll set, some kid named Jesus with pets and one fairy.  Hmmm.

After I laughed a little I reminded myself that it's okay.  It is very difficult to understand that magical story.  The lines get blurred between the religious Christmas celebration and Santa arriving.  And, I'm sorry, they can see Santa at every turn so my guess is they believe that better than some baby with pets.  I mean, does anyone ever get pictures taken with Jesus?

To be fair, Zoey and Parker are in a blended family of Christian and Jewish traditions so it does get a little confusing.  But even in single faith families it is confusing.  It's hard to believe what we can't see.   Heavens, I still find it hard to believe how the computer and cell phones work and that has been explained to me many, many times!

So my point is if you want your child to understand the true meaning of Christmas, you have to explain it to them...year after year after year after year until one year it will make sense.  You have to make sure you model and differentiate between Christmas the religious time and Christmas the Santa/gift getting time.   They really are two very different things. Christmas is a season that goes until January 6th.  So if you spout Jesus is the reason for the season, can you really let superstition take over and take your Christmas decorations down the day after Christmas?

Enjoy this holiday season whatever your beliefs and realize that young children are experiencing it through their eyes and understanding.  It really is okay if they think Jesus had pets and only one fairy.
One day, maybe years from now, they will put it all together.   But if it is important to you that they know the difference between the two celebrations, you better model it.

Put the elf back on the shelf and relax!

This is that time of year when everyone goes crazy.  As a parent, this was the time of year that, if I didn't feel inferior already, I quickly did.  Back when my kids were young we didn't even have Elf on the Shelf and I still felt like a failure as a parent.

Each year I had visions of Hallmark moments of decorating the tree.  You know, everyone sipping hot chocolate, Christmas music playing softly in the background, while everyone cheerfully hanging the ornaments on the tree.  Or sometimes I dreamed of all of us getting in the car, so excited to go see Christmas lights around town and coming home to share that hot chocolate.

Typically what happened over the years was me getting the ornaments out, and bribing everyone to please just hang up one ornament, that's all, then you can go back to whatever it is you were doing. My son would sometimes just hang all his ornaments on one branch and declare he was through.  Looking at lights around town usually ended up with me and my husband not speaking to each other.  He would zoom past streets as I would say, there's a pretty street, oh never mind, you went by it, oops there is a good...oh never mind you can't turn around. My husband would drive and tell the kids to get back in their seat belts because he was driving.   Of course, they couldn't see out the window!  Forget about the hot chocolate!

I always tried to find the best, most interactive Advent calendar for my kids.  The favorite was the one with the little chocolate pieces behind each door.  I built up the anticipation only to find out they would wait several days and open several so they could eat more chocolate at a time.   Not quite the experience I envisioned.

I overheard a mom the other day tell her friend how she hated this time of year.  I thought how sad, this should be so much fun.  It is incredible to watch young children at this time of year and their excitement. I wish this excitement and good cheer lasted all year.

Instead of trying to out do your Facebook friends on where the elf is, take a step back and relax.  The things that are the most memorable won't be what you think.  Several years ago Emily asked me to wait until she got home to make the holiday candy.   Of course I did, thinking how sweet, she wants us to do it together  The night arrived and I started the festive cooking.   She sat.  Finally I said, I thought you wanted to help?  She replied, NO!  I just love sitting in the kitchen visiting while YOU make it. 

Here are some things you can do with your kids that will build memories and nobody will try to out do you on Facebook .

• Have them open a new book each day leading up to Christmas
• Clean out their toys and give them to a charity before they get new ones
• Make cookies for someone else
• Just go out and sing Christmas songs to the neighbors
• Adopt an angel from the Salvation Army tree as a family and shop together
• Buy a toy for one of the agencies collecting toys and go as a family
  
  to donate them
• Get some gloves, scarves, blankets and walk around town handing them out to homeless people
• Choose a day and tell everyone you meet, Merry Christmas

It defeats the purpose if we get so stressed we don't enjoy our family and friends.  We need to stop and slow down and enjoy each other.

In the meantime, put the elf on the shelf or better yet let your kids take turns putting him somewhere. I know, he is supposed to be 'watching' them to make sure they behave.  But maybe he could use some help hiding and we could all behave just because.  And,  if you really enjoy doing it, do it but keep it simple and realize your kids probably won't remember all the great places you hid him.

You are more than a mom!

You go by several names and sadly your name is one of the last you go by.  You will be someone's mom  a long time.  I have to admit, I was a little sad when I was no longer known as, Emily's mom, Amy's mom or Blake's mom.  For such a huge part of our lives we are someone's mom. That's our identity.  There is nothing wrong with that, it's just a fact.

Some of us are also known as someone's wife.  When I got married, I was given a copy of the church cookbook.  All the recipes were authored by Mrs. (insert husband's first & last name).  Being a product of the 70's I was determined I would be known by MY name, not as Mrs. Anyone.  

I was reading an article this morning about how when asked what they have been doing, mother's typically reply with, oh, you know, just being a mom, or just momming it up! When I read that I thought, how sad.  You do so much!  You shouldn't say it like it's nothing.  You are so much more. You have a separate identity...or you should.

When I talk to moms, especially moms that do not work outside the house, they forget that they have lives or even entitled to have lives that don't involve being a mom.  Sometimes when a young mom says, Oh, I couldn't do that, or I don't have time for that, I feel sorry for them.   Parenting, unless you are a single mom, should be a shared experience.  I have had moms tell me that they can't take a little time for themselves, because their husband, the dad, has been working all day.  Well guess what! So have you!!!

If you are a working mom, throw in the self or society imposed guilt for working and not being a full time mom and you even have more issues with which to deal. 

You need to remember what makes you - you.  One day your kids will be grown or at least not need you as much.  You will go back to being 'your name', not someone's mom.  Sometimes that is a little late to remember who you are or were.

You and your husband need to make a date night once a week.   It doesn't have to cost money.  It can be walking around the mall.  You don't even have to leave the house.  It can be making a date to watch a movie together after the kids are in bed.  It's important to maintain the relationship.  I have seen too many couples put 100% of their lives into their kids.  The kids grow up and all of a sudden that common bond is gone.  It happens.  (Your kids will be super with 90% for them and 10% for you and your husband.)

So introduce yourself as you, with your name, first, not as someone's mom.  In the upcoming crazy holiday season, take time for yourself.  You and your husband watch a Hallmark movie together. Well, maybe not a Hallmark movie.

Are you kind?

Apparently tomorrow, November 13th is World Kindness Day.  I had no idea this day existed!  There is even a kindness movement!  On the one hand I thought, Really!  We have to have a designated day to be kind?   Of course after going through the most recent election, reading things on FaceBook, etc., we probably need more than a day!

Of course, I started thinking about kindness.  I don't think children automatically 'get' kindness.  I think they are sweet and nice but I am not sure they understand the concept of kindness.  Kindness is defined as doing something for someone without the expectation of something in return.

As you know I believe in the power of modeling.  I think it applies here too.  How do you model kindness in your family?  I think it's pretty easy if you attend a church.  Typically there are opportunities to do things for others without expecting something in return.  If you don't attend one how does one model that?

Here are a few suggestions that even small children can do.  Feel free to add your own or adapt these.

• Let your child help you gather outgrown clothes or toys and take them to Goodwill or other place
• Help your child write a thank you note to someone who did something nice for them.
• Help your child make cookies for a friend or neighbor...just because
• Smile at someone you meet on the street or the checkout person
• Say hello to someone at school who isn't your friend.
• Tell someone you see to have a nice day
• Buy a toy for a charity, let you child pick the toy and go with you to donate.  Ex. Salvation Army Angel Tree
• Make cards for people in a nursing home and take them
• Clean up for mom or your sister.
• Read a book to someone

We all need a little more kindness in our lives.  If we want our children to be kind, we need to teach them that it's important to be kind, do things for others.

I think it would be fun to be kind longer than just tomorrow.  How long can we go?

Numbers and Shapes and Adding, Oh My!

I am not proud but I was well into adulthood before I realized that math was not a mystery or magical but very practical.  I am obviously a literacy/reading person.  I married a math person.  We have regular discussions about which is more important, reading or math.  He claims that math is all around us and we would not be able to do anything without it.  I maintain that if one can't read, one can't do math or anything else for that matter.  Actually, there really is no winner because both are extremely important.

The problem is is that typically we don't talk math at home and we don't use authentic math at school. Children therefore are learning math in isolation and come away thinking it is either very hard or mysterious.

My husband explained that the 'tricks' he had learned were learned in his Number Sense club.  Yes, he was that guy!   For instance, I always struggle when adding a number to 9.    Imagine my excitement when my husband told me all you do is add the number to 10 and subtract one.  Now, many of you are thinking, "well duh" but as someone who didn't automatically get math it was like a secret code!

We can do a lot at home to help small children understand math.  Children need to understand that math is all around us, we see it and use it every day.  It is important, though that you use correct terms.  It's hard to undo some terms when a child comes to school.  For example,  the diamond is not a geometric shape.  It's a rhombus.

It's really easy to do 'math' talk.  For example, when you are walking to the car, ask which car is the farthest or which is farther.  Farther describe distance.  Don't use further.

Talk about shapes around the house.  Your coffee table may be the shape of a rectangle.  Maybe your table is an ellipse.  We use the term oval but it really isn't correct.  Think egg-like shape for oval.  A ball isn't a circle but a sphere.

Point out patterns on paper towels.  Talk about how the pattern repeats.  See if they can tell you what would come next in the pattern.

When you are eating chips or cookies, after eating one ask how many are left?  Continue after another one is eaten.  Be sure and talk about zero when they are all gone.

Give it a try.  Children love math when they understand it.