FFFD.....what?

My daughter shared an article with me that I thought was fabulous and it got me thinking.   The article is 10 Things Children Will Always Remember. I hope you will check it out, it is a very  quick read and well worth it.   I thought I would add a few more.   Yes, I still believe it is important to talk and read with your child but these are things that contribute to a well developed, well rounded person.

When our children were still at home we started a Fulenwider Family Fun Day (FFFD).   These were days that I would plan and we would do things as a family, no friends etc.   The activities were typically things that most kids wouldn't choose on their own.  You know like going to an art museum, going to a tree farm, going to a musical, trying a new sandwich place etc.  I will tell you they won't enjoy it until after the activity.  They will grumble and groan at the beginning.  When they are grown you will learn that they did appreciate it, in fact even enjoyed it and want to do it as adults.  You see, young children don't really know what they need.

Building memories and traditions is probably right up there with reading to your child.  Each year at Christmas our extended family would go to a 'family' movie.  It was always fun to see what was coming out, what would be appropriate.  Now, I am sure no one can remember all the movies we saw this way.  But, we do remember the time we went and...... or the time when...... and who can forget the time we were afraid it would be sold out so we got there way early.   We were the only ones in the theater.  So we passed the time by singing.  That's a memory!

Children will always remember the little things you do.  Things we take for granted.  Stick a little note in the lunchbox.  They might not mention it until you miss a day.  Stop at Sonic for a slush on a hot day.   They will surprise you.  One day they will say, but we always ......remember how we....

When our children said they didn't want to stop playing and go to church for Cherub Choir, we said, "Oh that's what we do in our family."  No 5 year old wants to stop playing outside!  Guess what, they loved it as soon as they got there each week.  When it was time to go to little brothers game and it didn't sound like much fun, we reminded them that, "oh, in our family we support each other."  Some of our best memories are from events watching each other.

A note to moms.   Before you get upset, understand that even as young children, it is a given mom will be there, be a good listener, be a hugger.   I went to everything my kids did or were in (unless it was my school function as well) that my husband went to.   We went TOGETHER.  Imagine my hurt feelings when our daughter made the comment that her dad was "her hero because he came to everything!"  What about me I cried to MY mom?  I was there too!  But you see, kids just believe that mom will be there, that's their job....dads many times aren't.

Think about all the CEOs who are wealthy but admit they missed their kids growing up while they were 'building' their  wealth.  I am not saying that is right or wrong but think of everything they missed that they can't get back.

So plan a game night even if it is Go Fish or Memory.  Plan a picnic (preferably not a windy day in the 40's, but you can eat in the car!)  Have a no-technology/no TV night.  Sit with a pile of books and read.  Have a night where everything has to rhyme.  Have a (your name) Family Fun Day.  Start a tradition, build memories, you might not see the rewards until 10, 20 years later, but you will see them.  It's one of the greatest things you can do for your kids.  It won't be measured on a test but...who cares!

Let's Start a Revolt! Who's In?

Okay, maybe we shouldn't start a real revolt but as parents we need to be more attentive and involved.  We follow the Kardashians and  other 'celebrities'.  We have opinions on everything from whether or not moms should breast feed in public to how to discipline.  We sometimes get downright angry and use social media to sway people to our way of thinking, but when it comes to our child's school, we become very quiet.  We do nothing.  We wring our hands and do nothing.

A few days ago I was having an online conversation with a couple of moms regarding school.  It began with one mom posting her frustration over the amount of 'projects' and wondering how much actual teaching was going on.  (Valid question) The conversation between others evolved into a conversation of private vs. charter vs. homeschool vs. public education.  In each case, the mom had moved her child out of public education because the child's needs weren't being met or she didn't like what was/wasn't going on.

I am not here to debate whether or not we should even have other types of educational settings besides public. Rather to get parents to think before they pull a child out of any type of educational setting.  Each type has benefits and serves different purposes.   There are reasons to pull your child out, but there times to stay and fight.

The comment that made me think we needed a 'revolt' was "...there was too much necessary busy work."  There should never be busy work let alone necessary busy work.  Yes, teachers may have a time when they have to get something done, but have the kids read or write!  Do your own research about worksheets and the ineffectiveness of them.  Ask the teacher the purpose of the busy work.  A little aside, during busywork time is when most discipline problems happen.

And about those projects.  From a teacher's view they are great.   The kids are working independently, then there are the days to 'share' them with the class.  It eats up a lot of teaching time. Lesson plans are easy to do.  There are times when project learning is good, but not all the time.   I hate home projects.   I think those should always be questioned, especially in the younger, primary grades and here is why.   Either the parent does the project and it looks like it is straight off Pinterest or the child does it independently and it looks like it.  Not to mention the expense.

One year, my son had to complete a project at home to represent his group's learning.  He was so excited and planned the entire thing out.   He wanted to use broccoli for trees etc.  We were there to guide but he made the decisions and did it.  It looked like a young child did it.   As I was dropping him off at school he noticed all the dads walking their projects in.   They were beautiful!  I was amazed.   Blake spoke up and said, I'll leave mine in the car, it looks ugly.  I assured him it was beautiful and the teacher would know he did it all.   Not to worry!  He got out and I cried all the way home.  Later when he got his grade, he was counted off for it not being to scale.   Really??  So what if the canoes were double the size of the trees.  It had all the requirements and he did it!  It represented what he had learned.

Don't worry, I learned a valuable lesson.   From that time forward any time a project was assigned I called and asked how it would be graded.   Would it be taken into account that the child did it, or the parent?   What exactly was the teacher looking for?  Was it about the learning or the aesthetics?  Yes, I was that parent.

Pay attention to what is going on in your child's class.  If your child can't state the purpose of something being done, stop and call.  Teachers tell me they do some of these things because parents want them.  Well then, parents let your voice be heard about what you don't want.

You can do it in a very nice and respectful way.   We need to be as concerned about what is going on in our child's class as we are about the new iPhone.

Three things to remember:
Every year of your child's education is critical.  
Your child can't afford to have a year filled with 'necessary busy work'.
Your child's time should never be wasted at school.

A Little Hair Gel and Stickers

This morning I was reading an educational/child development blog and laughed out loud.  The blog was about ideas to do/make with your child.  While the intent was fine,  I kept thinking,  good grief, that's a lot of stuff to gather, not to mention time and cost!!!  Maybe if I had had a nanny I would have tried it.  Probably not.  I was always a low maintenance kind of mom...minimal effort, minimal requirements, minimal money.

All day I have been thinking parents need ideas that are easy to do and use things they already have or could get relatively cheap.  My friend Staci then just happened to post a few pictures of a couple of activities she did today with her son.  Staci is a stay at home mom, but before you think, oh well of course she has time, let me explain.  Staci has one son who has autism.  While I love reading her posts about life with autism and think they are hysterical, she has her hands full.   Then to add to an already stressful life,  her youngest son was recently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.  I share this with you only for you to have a context - if Staci can think of this, you can too.

Try a little "letter learning" with "sensory tactile stimulation." Jonah enjoyed closing his eyes to dig through the rice to find a magnetic letter. He then matched his letter to the letter written in sharpie on the baking pan.   Matching the letter to an outline lays the foundation for learning the shape or configuration of words. Who doesn't have magnetic letters, rice and a baking sheet?

Here's the other idea Staci tried.   With a sharpie draw 'boxes' for sorting on the outside of a zip lock bag. Put hair gel in the bag.  Add some stickers and then seal it.  Let your child sort the stickers into the appropriate boxes.   Think of all they ways you can vary this simple activity.

Have fun!

That's just like...

Making connections is one of the things we do.  Anytime we learn something new, what do we do? We think about what we already know that is similar, make a connection.  When we read, we make a text to text or book to book connection.   We read and the current book reminds us of a previously read book.  Another type of connection we make is a text to self.   The book we are reading reminds us of something we have done, have experienced.  The last type of connection we can make is a text to world.   This is the hardest type of connection to make.   We can connect the book we are reading to a world issue,  problem or event.

Some children make connections naturally.  I was working with teachers today and they were expressing though, how difficult it was for their little kiddos.  It shouldn't be.

I am not saying you now have to start saying, oh you just made a text to text connection.  I am suggesting you make connections for children when they happen naturally and use natural language.  For example, if you are getting ready to have a sleepover, you could say, you are having a sleepover, that's just like when we read the book, Ira Sleeps Over.  After reading a book, if it makes sense you could say, this book reminds me of......(book).  It's just like ...(book).  If you are reading a book about kids going to a playground, you might say, that's just like when we go to the playground.

Making connections is an important piece in reading comprehension.

Try it, you will see it's not that hard.

To spank or not to spank

To spank or not to spank that is the question about which everyone seems to be talking.  Before you stop reading, I am not going to say you should or shouldn't spank your child.  I am going to hopefully give you something about which to think.  I am very much against hitting a child or any human being with a belt, spatula, switch or object.

According to Webster's Dictionary, spanking is a verb and means "to strike on the buttocks with the open hand."   So first off, if you are using anything other than your open hand on the buttocks you are not spanking you are hitting or striking.

Now that we have that cleared up, my problem with using a belt, spatula, spoon, switch etc, is that you have no control over how hard you are hitting.  You can't feel the buttocks as you can with your hand.  The object you are using has no feeling.   Your hand does.

Let's take the argument, My parents used a belt on me and I turned out okay.  That sentence bothers me on so many levels.   First off, I turned out okay, implies you had something to overcome.  The other problem I have is that each generation tries to be better than the previous one.  Hopefully we learn from the previous generation.   We used to use children in sweat shops until we got smarter.

Why do we spank or hit?  We do so to stop a behavior or change a behavior.  Most child psychologists will tell you that the 'punishment' or intervention must fit the child.   In other words, it has to be meaningful to the child.  Taking away a toy a child doesn't like will not make an impression.  Taking away a favorite toy will.  Maybe taking away a toy isn't what needs to be done, maybe taking away tv time or iPad time.   What is meaningful to your child?  It also depends on the age of the child.

Time out works if you stick with it.  There are a lot of substitutes for spanking or hitting your child.  Google disciplining your child.  One site is Kids Health.

Remember modeling is more powerful than words.  So if we tell our children we don't hit people and then we hit them what message are we sending?

All I ask is that if you choose to use corporal punishment use your hand not an object.   And just give it some thought.

It's not about you

One of the things my grown children like to say to me is, Mom, it's not about you.  They aren't being rude or disrespectful just telling me how they see it.  Sometimes it's justified, like when I worry about  what people will think about me when the situation has nothing to do with me.  Sometimes it isn't justified. But that's okay.

I was reminded of this the other day when grocery shopping.  I overheard a young boy ask his mother if they could get a pumpkin to carve.  The mom quickly replied with a resounding No, I hate how messy they are!  The boy asked a few more times each time getting a variation on the original 'No!'  I couldn't help but think, it's not about you, it's about giving your child the experience of carving a pumpkin!  

I wanted to say something but I was reminded of the other thing my kids tell me regularly and that's, Mom, it's not your business, not your child.  So, I just kept shopping, keeping my mouth shut.

I started thinking of all the things parents/friends have shared with me about experiences they have denied their child because of their issues.   One never let her child use glue...too messy.   Another never allowed scissors...too dangerous.  One never allowed her child to help cook...too time consuming.  Another never let her child help with laundry...too I'm not sure what.

Bottom line, kids need experiences.  Truth be told, if we only allowed things that fit our criteria, not messy, completely safe, within our time frame, I am afraid our kids would do nothing.

I am amazed by the number of adults who have never carved a pumpkin!  Carving a pumpkin is very messy and slimy but also great fun.  Washing and then roasting the pumpkins seeds is even more fun and yummy.  If you really want to go all out, cook the pumpkin meat and make a pie or bread.  

If you don't want to expose your child to the carving pumpkin experience, think about it as building a memory!   (Plus, think of the vocabulary you can develop while cleaning out the pumpkin!)

Natural times to talk

I  have blogged about the word gap and the importance of oral language before.   But it is so important it bears repeating.  It's never too early to start. Researchers out of Stanford University tested language processing of 18 and 24 month olds.  Even at those early ages , there were discrepancies.  The research was proving that economic level impacts language and that is true. However, more and more children from middle and upper class are coming to school without well developed oral language.

As a long time educator, sometimes I don't understand why they don't have oral language.  It just isn't that hard.  It is natural.  Here are some examples of natural times to engage your young one in oral language.

• Introduce new words in context - have the actual item if possible or at least a picture.  For example, while in the grocery store if you are buying fruit, name the fruit as you place it in your basket.
• Use your hands and face.  If you are saying what a surprise, then let your face and voice reflect a surprise.
• Let your little one help unload the dishwasher (the safe things).  Say things like, Thank you for that spoon, put the forks here.
• During bath time, talk about which tub toys float, sink, stick to the sides, pour the water.  Use foam letters and numbers.
• Sing nursery rhymes so they can hear the music and playfulness of language.

These are just a few.  I know you can think of your own.

Don't expect them to bust out with a complete sentence.   BUT, pay attention, they will start using the words before you know it.

Happy talking!