Sooooo, what are you modeling?

My 19 month old granddaughter really doesn't need to roll her legs.  She didn't run or workout. However, she is surrounded by people who do need to ice and roll sore muscles. No one has sat down and said, Lola, this is how you roll your quadriceps.  She has seen her Pops do it on a regular basis in front of her.

We were at the zoo the other day and had found comfort from the 100 degree temps in the little cafe.  A family came in and one of the little boys was crying and crying and crying.  It was obvious to everyone that he was hot and/or upset.   His mother proceeded to yell, Shut-up.  Just shut-up. He didn't stop, in fact he just cried more. I was reminded by my children that it wasn't my 'business'.  My daughters and son-in-law were getting upset as well as everyone else in the room.  A few more times, before they left, the mom repeated the same shut-up, shut-up.  What I found interesting was nobody in her group intervened.   They all just sat there and listened. Finally, they left, crying child and all.  

I can't help but think about these two completely different situations of the power of modeling.   Both model for a child how to do something.  The first is cute and we laugh, but it's positive and basically harmless.  The second is dangerous because we really don't realize what we are doing. Children will talk to others as we talk to them.  I can promise you that if that is what the crying child hears on a regular basis, at some point he will start telling people to shut-up.  

I am surprised (not really) when parents tell me they don't understand why their child is so sarcastic or rude.  Yet, everything out of the parent's mouth is sarcastic and/or rude. You have modeled that! (Sadly, I have seen teachers model that too.) We shouldn't have to teach 'please' and 'thank you'.  If you don't want your child to say, gimme that, then you say, May I have that, please? when you ask for something.  Then, when your child hands you something, or does something say, thank you.   They will do it because that's what you have modeled.

If you want children to talk to you and others respectfully and kindly, then you talk that way.   Model that everyday for your kids.  Kids just replicate what they see and hear.  If you talk sarcastically or rudely to people, I know it's not my business, just don't be surprised when your children talk that way too.  So the next time your child talks in a way that is less than kind, think about how you talk.   Maybe it's not you, maybe they overheard the neighbor.

So, what are you modeling today?