Your child gets in trouble - ask questions!!!

Oh my!  It's the second week of school and your child isn't conforming to the teacher's rules. What do you do?  Trust me I am a firm believer that a teacher needs to be firm and instill the routines and procedures.  These rules and procedures will carry the children throughout the year and will allow them to be independent.  It also is the beginning of learning how to live in a community.   It is much easier to 'loosen' up in a few weeks than crack down when things are out of control.  I get that.  But they are also 3 or 4 or 5 and learning how to conform to someone else's rules.

At the beginning of the year kids are learning how to behave in school.  You know, do the school thing.  Some kids go to school after being in a 'school'-like setting since they were 6 weeks old.  Others have stayed home and this is their first experience.  Teachers need to understand this and accept each child where he or she is.   Just like we do with academic skills.

So you get the dreaded call or note home.  Here is what I would do.
1. Talk to your child.  Does your child understand what he/she is doing or is supposed to be doing?
2. Ask your child, why he/she is talking or doing whatever it is that is causing the problem.
3. Ask your child what are the other children doing and what should he or she be doing.
4. Ask your child, if there is a problem.
5. Call and request a conference in person with the teacher.   I hate phone calls for these types of conferences because I like to see faces.  It's hard to 'read' people over the phone.
6. Ask the teacher what exactly is the infraction.   If it's talking, ask if she can be more specific.   For example, is it talking while you are talking or while they are working independently?
7. What is your child supposed to be doing? What are the other children doing?
8. Ask if the teacher has any creative ideas to help solve the problem.
9. Ask about the consequences.   If they 'change a color' do they also lose outside time? Why?  Is that a school wide policy or teacher policy?

Bottom line, ask questions!  I have seen children get in trouble because they were finished and there was nothing else for them to do while others finished.  I have seen children get in trouble because they didn't understand or weren't able to do the work, frustrated.  I have seen children get in trouble just because the teacher was having a bad day.  I have seen children get in trouble because the teacher didn't really know young children and was expecting them to do something they couldn't developmentally do.  I have seen children get in trouble because they were being a pill and needed a consequence.  It's your child, dig deep to find the root of the problem.   If you don't get answers from the teacher, follow due process and speak with the principal.  Looking back there were situations where I didn't want to be 'that parent' so I didn't say anything.  I wish now I had dug deeper to find out why my child was acting out.   Maybe it might have changed things, maybe not.

If your child does get in trouble at school and it is justified,  be supportive but don't punish your child again at home.  That's a double whammy.  It was handled at school.  Discuss it of course but don't punish again.

Your child has 13 years of going to school.   This year should be the most fun and the one he or she looks forward to every day.  Help make that happen.  Get answers.