All I need is a black mask!

I am done with Halloween!  We are participating in a Trunk or Treat thing tonight at church.  I have mixed feelings because 1) I like passing out candy to the kids coming up to my door and 2) I don't need a safe alternative.   But, realizing it's not about me, I agreed to take my car up and participate. (Actually, my son volunteered me!)

I realized yesterday that we were to decorate our car.  THEN, I realized everyone was dressing up.  I feel funny dressing up as an adult.  Initially, I thought how hard can it be to dress up? Keith and I would be 'old' super heroes. Well, the day of Halloween it's pretty hard to find all the pieces for a costume!  The first few discount stores I went to, when I inquired about different items, like a black mask, the sales associate informed me they had been out of "that" for weeks, as in, why would I even ask!  I even looked for black construction paper, a black headband and tape.  Apparently black construction paper is popular on October 31st. SO I went to one of those Halloween stores.  When I walked in I realized I was a little late.  I found a friendly looking zombie working there and asked if they had just a black mask, you know that could pass for Batman.  The zombie asked if I wanted a sexy mask?   HUH?  As I looked around everything in adult sizes was sexy or gruesome!  I don't think at 57 I could or should try to pull of sexy anything! All I need is a black mask people!  I finally found a mask in the back on the floor that had been returned.  I bought it.  I figured it wouldn't be worn long enough to catch any germs!

When did Halloween become bigger than Christmas?  When did we go from dressing up in costumes made at home to designer costumes that come in only sexy or gruesome.  Yes,  I could have bought the child's mask but I knew that wouldn't fit!  There was a little boy behind me in line with a horrible looking, blood dripping costume.  I just stared at his mom.  I thought, he is too young to want that. You want that. Glancing around, I saw that many of the children's costumes that were being bought were horrible.  I wanted to run get the Minnie Mouse outfit and exchange it with them.

Call me crazy but I think we have the responsibility to choose wisely for our kids.  I think we should tell our kids, no that costume is inappropriate or offensive or just not funny.  I think I have more of a problem with all the 'sexy' costumes than the gruesome ones.  You can tell kids a gruesome costume is just silly, pretend.  But what message are we sending when we dress up as, or see walking down the street, 'sexy' nurse?  Most young kids don't know what they really want or if they do, they need guidance.

I would like to think we would ban together and boycott them.  But I know better. So tomorrow I will start getting in shape for my 'sexy' grandma costume for next year!

Be safe and please don't let your kids eat all
the candy.  Throw it away or take it to the office!

Keep 'em busy

I was at a conference today and the speaker was explaining how Ready Rosie empowers parents to help their child be ready for school.  The big buzz word is "universal" prek.  Actually,  for many children prek is too late.   Parents need to be in partnership and modeling good rich oral language from birth on.

One thing Ready Rosie discussed was the added benefits parents had seen from watching the Ready Rosie video clips.  There was a resounding consensus that their children's behavior had improved since viewing the videos.

Obviously, that got me thinking.   It's true, though.  We know that language needs to be authentic and in context.  We also know that in addition to the academic, or 'school' words, kids just need lots of words to use, to hear, to explore.  We also know that one predictor of early reading is the number of words kids know, the size, depth of their oral language.

So what does all of this have to do with discipline?  Think about it.  You are waiting to check out at the grocery store and your child has decided to grab/touch everything in sight.  Instead of arguing with your child how about work on oral language?  Ask, Do you see anything that begins with the  s sound in our basket?  Do we have anything that has two syllables?   Is there anything that needs to be refrigerated, kept cold? etc.  

Hand your child two items out of the cart and ask things like: which feels heavier?  Which is softer, harder?  Which is lighter? Do you think we have more cold things or things that go in the pantry?  Do we have more salty or sweet things?

By doing things like this in line while checking out not only are you keeping your children engaged, you are also growing their oral language!

I don't care if it hurts his feelings....it's my health!

I am very excited to be attending the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) conference next week in Dallas.  I love conferences, especially national ones.  The best of the best, the cutting edge, the most up to date researchers are there presenting.  I get so excited every time I attend a national conference.

At the same time I get frustrated and overwhelmed at the job ahead of us sometimes.  Here is my frustration, maybe you can help me out.

Here are a few 'truths'.

• There are great teachers and administrators out there who stay up to date on current 'best practices'.
• There are teachers and administrators who read professionally and attend national conferences.
• There are teachers and administrators who haven't read a professional book, since they left college (and for some it was a long time ago!)
• There are teachers and administrators who never attend national conferences, or even regional ones.
• There are teaches who tweak their craft regularly based on new research.
• There are teachers who are still doing the same things they have done for (insert #) years.

Unless you home school, your children will be in one of those rooms.

Teachers tell me regularly that many of the things they have done, they have 'always' done it like that. Well, we used to all attend school in one school room too but we figured out that wasn't the most effective way to teach.

Our children of today are different then we were.  They learn differently than we did.  There are so many more resources available to children today that we certainly didn't have.

So here are a few questions I have.  Why as parents, do we not ask our child's teacher if he/she  reads professionally and if so, what was the book?  Why don't we ask if they ever attend conferences?   Why don't we do our homework on our child's teacher? Would we go to a doctor who hadn't read professionally in years?  Would we send our tax information to an accountant who wasn't up on the latest tax laws?  Yet, we send our kids off to school assuming they are getting the teacher who reads professionally and stays current on research.  

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago.  After her oncologist gave her the prognosis, she chose to go get a second opinion in a different state!  A mutual friend asked, aren't you afraid it will hurt your doctor's feelings that you are getting a second opinion? I can't print word for word my friend's reply, but it was basically, I really don't care if his feelings are hurt, it's my health!

That should be the feeling we have towards our child's teacher.  We are not there to be friends with the teacher, yes that's nice if it happens.  But we are there to be sure our child is getting the best education for that year from the best teacher there is.  Every child deserves that.  That doesn't happen unless we ask questions.

While you are thinking about what questions to ask your child's teacher, ask them if the program follows the NAEYC guidelines.  Based on the answer, you know what the follow up question should be.

I am SO sorry!

Yes, on behalf of all 'older' parents (parents who have grown children) I want to apologize for what we say.  Particularly the statement, Enjoy every  minute, one day you will miss it!  Those two statements have caused more guilt than any others I can think of.

The other night we decided to go out to eat  as a family including our 22 month old grand daughter. We do it all the time and she behaves beautifully.  This night, however, she wasn't feeling well, cough, runny nose, grumpy and so on.  Short story, she wasn't happy.  She wanted to go inside, then outside.  Wanted a chip, didn't want the chips on the table.  Typically, if we can distract her she is fine.  Nope, she started a blood curdling cry.  As everyone stared, I took her outside, trying to hide behind the dumpster so nobody could see I couldn't get a 22 month old to stop crying.  I finally went back and motioned to her mom to come out, tell Pops we were leaving, tell the others to help themselves to our drinks, but we were out of there.  I thought if we drove around the parking lot she would calm down.  Never, she threw herself on the floor of the car and then became stiff so we couldn't get her in the car seat.  She finally calmed down after I ran into a near by store, bought a sippy cup and milk.  Her mom was almost in tears and so was I!!  I secretly wanted to yell, STOP CRYING!

None of us involved in the ill fated dinner enjoyed it.  Nor should we.  And, truth be told none of us will miss that!  Yes, we will miss the funny things Lola does at this age, but to tell a parent to enjoy a tantrum throwing child at that moment is a lie.  Just as big a lie is to tell parents they will miss that. No one has ever enjoyed that!

Luckily, no one said that to any of us.  I can't say how I would have reacted.  But I have observed well-meaning moms tell  young moms they should enjoy every minute because there will come a day when they will miss their little kids.

I don't know of any parent who at one time or another didn't think, what WAS I thinking?  There are days when nothing goes right and the children all seem to be possessed!   You just survive those days.  You don't enjoy them and nor should you!  Believe me, you will miss some days, but not those!

So parents, don't beat yourself up if you don't enjoy when your children push your buttons or throw tantrums.  Don't feel guilty.   You won't miss those days!  I don't.  Do they grow up quickly? Yes! Do I like to reflect back and think about when they were little?  Sure. I love my children, I have loved watching them grow and become wonderful adults.  There were some stages that were hard to endure.  And honestly, there were some stages I thought about giving them away. (Not really.)

So give yourself a break.  The next time your child is behaving badly, and someone tells you to enjoy it, smile politely and say, no thank you!

Play-dough Power

I love this article, Playdough Power.  It speaks to the importance of allowing our kids to play with Play-dough and the important literacy and math skills that can be learned.  More importantly, it includes a recipe to make your own!  Sadly, most schools have gotten rid of play-dough for you know, the important stuff like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Before you over-react, those are very important, but so is playing with play-dough.  Many kids come to school with horrible fine motor skills.   They develop those skills working with play-dough, among other things.

We can argue all day as to why schools no longer allow it, but that would serve no purpose.  Most have done away with it, so we have to move on and hope the pendulum will eventually swing back. Until then what is keeping you from getting it out for your child?  My control issues went into overdrive if my kids mixed the colors.  I had to ask myself, why did I care?  Let them mix the colors.  It could make a mess, but once it dries, it's easy to sweep up.  If you use the recipe from the article, you don't have to worry as much about cost.

Kids love just rolling the dough between their hands making long snakes.   All the Play-dough kits are fun, making cakes, cupcakes, animals etc., but so is rolling and making balls or just
creating.

We can complain all day about it not being in schools any longer, and we can also make sure our kids play with it at home.

Roll out the play-dough!

WHAT??? Time for yourself?

This morning I was running with a friend who is the mother of a 2 year old and expecting her second. We were discussing her work schedule and whether or not she would continue to work while the 2 year old was in preschool 2 days.  She is contemplating maybe getting a nanny type person to take her son to school and pick him up.  Her husband thinks, even if she doesn't work the full day, she should still take the time for herself.  What?? My friend admitted that the other day she had actually taken a little time for herself.  Rather than a feeling of relaxation, she felt guilt.  Yes guilt.

When my children were still at home I thought I had to be super mom.  I worked full time teaching but when my feet hit the house, I transformed into super mom. No one was going to accuse me of not being a good mother just because I worked!  No sir!  On the surface I loved it. But I was stressed.  My husband would tell me to join a gym or run or do something.  I tried to explain that I didn't have time, I was a mom, had homework, laundry, meals, cleaning and, and, and.  One day he said, Our family would be better off if you WOULD take some time for yourself!  Ouch!  But he was right.  I needed time to refuel, recharge so I could be a better mom.  My kids would survive an hour without me.

Our society tries to get all moms to believe they can do it all, stay home, work from home, always have clean laundry, an immaculate house and make homemade ornaments for everyone in their extended family.  Oh and look beautiful the entire time. You can't.

In fact, you need to take time for yourself.   Your child needs you to.  Your child needs to be around other children 1-2 times a week without you hovering.  Your child needs to learn how to play with others not only to share but to learn how to problem solve.  Your child needs to learn how to 'be' without mom in eyesight. It will make the transition to school so much easier.  Sometimes when kids have had mom's 100% attention 100% of the time, they come to believe they have that with every adult in every situation.  Learning to wait your turn to talk is hard.

Now if you really want to be crazy, take time each week or every couple of weeks for you and your husband...no kids!  I promise your kids will survive.

Dreaded Parent/Teacher Conferences - MAKE SOMETHING UP!

If you haven't participated in a parent/teacher conference yet, unless you home school, you will sooner or later.  With three children we had a few.  We didn't have as many as  we should have.  Our children were mostly 'conformers' or 'teacher pleasers'.  In other words, they didn't get in trouble and they made good grades.  What I found out was that teachers didn't have conferences with parents like us.  Once I called and set one up and the teacher was speechless.  She didn't understand why I wanted a conference.  Well, for starters, I just wanted to know how my child was doing.  The reply was 'fine.' The teacher couldn't really say anything specific about my child.

Over the years I have drawn the conclusions that teachers see conferences as a time to tell you what your child isn't doing or can't do  How far behind he/she is, how disruptive your child is.  It's hard for teachers to find good things about a disruptive child or a child who may bring scores down.

Every parent deserves to hear good things about their child.  Even a child who is disruptive does something good! Typically a parent already knows if their child is behind.  If the parent seems to be in denial, more often than not it's to save face.  Parents really aren't stupid!! If the teacher does start in on the laundry list of what your child doesn't or can't do, thank her and then ask what CAN he/she do. It's a red flag if the teacher can't think of anything.  It's also very sad.

If your child is behind more than likely the teacher will tell you all the things you need to do at home to bring him or her up to 'grade level'.  Please be sure and ask what the teacher is going to do to bring your child up to grade level.  You see, that's why you send  your child to school.  Yes, a little support may be needed at home but a lot of support and differentiation is needed at school!

Conferences should be a time to hear good things about your child and things that need to be worked on.   Again, if there is a list, ask the teacher to prioritize the needs.  Then start working on them one at a time.  When your child asks how was the conference or what did the teacher
say, share the concerns.  Share the positives too.  If there were no positives, MAKE SOMETHING UP!!

Come here, sit down, not yet, help your sister!

I love this quote! 

     "The primary need of children is to know they are loved. It is learned through consistent responsive & nurturing interactions!"  

Children know they are loved by the time we spend with them. We don't have to spend every waking moment with them. Obviously if we work outside the home that isn't possible. But when we are with them are we being responsive and engaging in nurturing interactions? Do we set aside time for just them?

I was at a neighborhood coffee shop the other day, killing time between appointments and there was a group of moms with small children. It was mid morning so either the children were home schooled or not in school yet. I was there about an hour, the moms were there when I got there and still there when I left. The moms were engaged in lively conversations about all the things they had coming up. Here are a few: gymnastics, piano lessons, upcoming birthday party, soccer. That was just for the kids. The moms discussed all of their upcoming activities too, everything from spa days to yoga to 'shopping' trips. There was a little part of me that thought, Wow, they have a lot of activities, they are being exposed to a lot! But in the whole hour I was there, they never interacted with their children except to tell them to stop, get down, come here, pick up that napkin, help your sister, throw that away. One child kept asking his mom to look at something. The mom kept saying in a minute. In the hour I was there, apparently the minute never came.

There were no nurturing interactions. The interactions were only commands or directives. As I drove away, I thought how many of us talk to each other that way. I don't mean rudely, none of the moms were rude, just direct. At the end of the day can we say we spent nurturing time with our kids? Can we say we gave them our time, uninterrupted by electronic devices? Did we just sit with them and listen to them, hear what they have to say?

In our world today we run from thing to thing to thing. I hear parents say, We've been running all day! They get home, get bathes and go to bed. Yes, we want to have our kids in activities. Mine were! However, as the above quote says, the basic need is to know they are loved. We show that love by spending quality time with them.

Fight for public schools....yes even you!

Whether you are Republican, Democrat, Independent or any combination, if you are reading this blog, you are more than likely a parent.  If you aren't a parent, you live in the U.S. and at least care about children.  Please read the entire blog.

The upcoming elections are very important for the future of public schools.  You home-school you say.  My children go to private school.   That's ok, mine attend a charter school, it doesn't concern me.  We left public schools!  You couldn't be more wrong.

The future quality of public schools effects all of us.  Children who attend private, charter, and home schools will eventually grow up and live in a world with other people who did go to public school. 

Our future country will be led by people who attended all sorts of schools. Yes, even public.  We need public education that develops all children to the best of his or her ability and allows them to be contributing citizens.  Contributing citizens who can think, not just bubble in an answer.

Did you know that the current Texas legislators cut $5.3 billion out of the public schools a few years ago, and at the same time gave Pearson a contract for almost $500 million.  Pearson is the company who develops all the tests that are mandatory in Texas.  Teachers didn't request all the tests, Parents didn't request them, hmmmm.  I find that interesting.

Politicians will tell you education in Texas is fine.  Really?  With all the testing and 'leaving no child behind', why do we rank 49th in the country?  If the funding is fine, why are we cutting music and art programs, not to mention field trips? 

There is a huge push for universal prekindergarten so that all children can enter school ready for success.  There is a push for high quality daycare that is developmentally appropriate.  That's a good thing.  San Antonio and Dallas County are working to achieve this.  We need developmentally appropriate prekindergartens.   Not another 'grade' for Pearson to test, as is being recommended by some. 

We hear a lot of talk about vouchers and on the surface who would be against vouchers to attend private schools.  Here's the deal.  The vouchers don't cover uniforms.  You live 10 miles away from the private school.  Oh sorry, we don't provide transportation and the voucher doesn't cover it.  The private school still has the right to not accept you.   I have problems with politicians not telling me the whole story. 

The current system is flawed, we need an overhaul, a reform but not by business people who know nothing about education.  Not by big companies that benefit from the reform.  There are several grassroot organizations led by parents.  Yes, that's who we need, parents, along with teachers.

Here are a couple of interesting articles:

Say Goodbye to Public EducationFrank Breslin: The Gates, Broad, Walton and Koch Foundations vs. America's Public Schools

Testing the Limits: A Texas Mother’s Radical Revolt Against Standardized Tests

As voters, we have the power to change things.  Even if you want things to stay the same, do your homework.  Research each candidate, look up how incumbents voted on education issues.  Talk to teachers.   

It really is important.

SOOOOOO easy!

Do you ever wonder why your  young child can read McDonald's but not other words?  Or what about other words in our environment like, Power Ranger  Have you ever been out and about and from the back seat you hear, I want McDonald's.  If you are like I was, you say, Oh, there isn't a McDonald's close to us.  To which your sweet one says,  Yes, there is right over there.  Much to your surprise they can read the sign amongst all the other signs at the intersection.

Environmental print is just that, the print in our environment, our everyday lives.   It is everywhere and children have a natural connection to it.  They see it everyday and in authentic context...their world.   

Hopefully your child's preschool or Kindergarten is using environmental print.   It is a natural link to the letters and sounds in words.   You can say, That's right, that's an 'M' just like in McDonald's.   That word starts just like Taco in Taco Bell.  The sound of 'w' is hard but not if they can read Wendy's.

If your child's teacher isn't using environmental print like this teacher, ask them why?  But you can use it!   Make a little book titled,  Foods We Like and put a logo/word of different foods your child likes.  You can find images for Kraft Mac n Cheese boxes and other foods on the internet.   Try a book about the games you play.   If a book is too hard, make a memory/concentration game.  I promise your kids will benefit.

Hopefully your child is doing things with environmental print like this at school.   If not, ask why not?  It never hurts to ask.

FFFD.....what?

My daughter shared an article with me that I thought was fabulous and it got me thinking.   The article is 10 Things Children Will Always Remember. I hope you will check it out, it is a very  quick read and well worth it.   I thought I would add a few more.   Yes, I still believe it is important to talk and read with your child but these are things that contribute to a well developed, well rounded person.

When our children were still at home we started a Fulenwider Family Fun Day (FFFD).   These were days that I would plan and we would do things as a family, no friends etc.   The activities were typically things that most kids wouldn't choose on their own.  You know like going to an art museum, going to a tree farm, going to a musical, trying a new sandwich place etc.  I will tell you they won't enjoy it until after the activity.  They will grumble and groan at the beginning.  When they are grown you will learn that they did appreciate it, in fact even enjoyed it and want to do it as adults.  You see, young children don't really know what they need.

Building memories and traditions is probably right up there with reading to your child.  Each year at Christmas our extended family would go to a 'family' movie.  It was always fun to see what was coming out, what would be appropriate.  Now, I am sure no one can remember all the movies we saw this way.  But, we do remember the time we went and...... or the time when...... and who can forget the time we were afraid it would be sold out so we got there way early.   We were the only ones in the theater.  So we passed the time by singing.  That's a memory!

Children will always remember the little things you do.  Things we take for granted.  Stick a little note in the lunchbox.  They might not mention it until you miss a day.  Stop at Sonic for a slush on a hot day.   They will surprise you.  One day they will say, but we always ......remember how we....

When our children said they didn't want to stop playing and go to church for Cherub Choir, we said, "Oh that's what we do in our family."  No 5 year old wants to stop playing outside!  Guess what, they loved it as soon as they got there each week.  When it was time to go to little brothers game and it didn't sound like much fun, we reminded them that, "oh, in our family we support each other."  Some of our best memories are from events watching each other.

A note to moms.   Before you get upset, understand that even as young children, it is a given mom will be there, be a good listener, be a hugger.   I went to everything my kids did or were in (unless it was my school function as well) that my husband went to.   We went TOGETHER.  Imagine my hurt feelings when our daughter made the comment that her dad was "her hero because he came to everything!"  What about me I cried to MY mom?  I was there too!  But you see, kids just believe that mom will be there, that's their job....dads many times aren't.

Think about all the CEOs who are wealthy but admit they missed their kids growing up while they were 'building' their  wealth.  I am not saying that is right or wrong but think of everything they missed that they can't get back.

So plan a game night even if it is Go Fish or Memory.  Plan a picnic (preferably not a windy day in the 40's, but you can eat in the car!)  Have a no-technology/no TV night.  Sit with a pile of books and read.  Have a night where everything has to rhyme.  Have a (your name) Family Fun Day.  Start a tradition, build memories, you might not see the rewards until 10, 20 years later, but you will see them.  It's one of the greatest things you can do for your kids.  It won't be measured on a test but...who cares!

Let's Start a Revolt! Who's In?

Okay, maybe we shouldn't start a real revolt but as parents we need to be more attentive and involved.  We follow the Kardashians and  other 'celebrities'.  We have opinions on everything from whether or not moms should breast feed in public to how to discipline.  We sometimes get downright angry and use social media to sway people to our way of thinking, but when it comes to our child's school, we become very quiet.  We do nothing.  We wring our hands and do nothing.

A few days ago I was having an online conversation with a couple of moms regarding school.  It began with one mom posting her frustration over the amount of 'projects' and wondering how much actual teaching was going on.  (Valid question) The conversation between others evolved into a conversation of private vs. charter vs. homeschool vs. public education.  In each case, the mom had moved her child out of public education because the child's needs weren't being met or she didn't like what was/wasn't going on.

I am not here to debate whether or not we should even have other types of educational settings besides public. Rather to get parents to think before they pull a child out of any type of educational setting.  Each type has benefits and serves different purposes.   There are reasons to pull your child out, but there times to stay and fight.

The comment that made me think we needed a 'revolt' was "...there was too much necessary busy work."  There should never be busy work let alone necessary busy work.  Yes, teachers may have a time when they have to get something done, but have the kids read or write!  Do your own research about worksheets and the ineffectiveness of them.  Ask the teacher the purpose of the busy work.  A little aside, during busywork time is when most discipline problems happen.

And about those projects.  From a teacher's view they are great.   The kids are working independently, then there are the days to 'share' them with the class.  It eats up a lot of teaching time. Lesson plans are easy to do.  There are times when project learning is good, but not all the time.   I hate home projects.   I think those should always be questioned, especially in the younger, primary grades and here is why.   Either the parent does the project and it looks like it is straight off Pinterest or the child does it independently and it looks like it.  Not to mention the expense.

One year, my son had to complete a project at home to represent his group's learning.  He was so excited and planned the entire thing out.   He wanted to use broccoli for trees etc.  We were there to guide but he made the decisions and did it.  It looked like a young child did it.   As I was dropping him off at school he noticed all the dads walking their projects in.   They were beautiful!  I was amazed.   Blake spoke up and said, I'll leave mine in the car, it looks ugly.  I assured him it was beautiful and the teacher would know he did it all.   Not to worry!  He got out and I cried all the way home.  Later when he got his grade, he was counted off for it not being to scale.   Really??  So what if the canoes were double the size of the trees.  It had all the requirements and he did it!  It represented what he had learned.

Don't worry, I learned a valuable lesson.   From that time forward any time a project was assigned I called and asked how it would be graded.   Would it be taken into account that the child did it, or the parent?   What exactly was the teacher looking for?  Was it about the learning or the aesthetics?  Yes, I was that parent.

Pay attention to what is going on in your child's class.  If your child can't state the purpose of something being done, stop and call.  Teachers tell me they do some of these things because parents want them.  Well then, parents let your voice be heard about what you don't want.

You can do it in a very nice and respectful way.   We need to be as concerned about what is going on in our child's class as we are about the new iPhone.

Three things to remember:
Every year of your child's education is critical.  
Your child can't afford to have a year filled with 'necessary busy work'.
Your child's time should never be wasted at school.

A Little Hair Gel and Stickers

This morning I was reading an educational/child development blog and laughed out loud.  The blog was about ideas to do/make with your child.  While the intent was fine,  I kept thinking,  good grief, that's a lot of stuff to gather, not to mention time and cost!!!  Maybe if I had had a nanny I would have tried it.  Probably not.  I was always a low maintenance kind of mom...minimal effort, minimal requirements, minimal money.

All day I have been thinking parents need ideas that are easy to do and use things they already have or could get relatively cheap.  My friend Staci then just happened to post a few pictures of a couple of activities she did today with her son.  Staci is a stay at home mom, but before you think, oh well of course she has time, let me explain.  Staci has one son who has autism.  While I love reading her posts about life with autism and think they are hysterical, she has her hands full.   Then to add to an already stressful life,  her youngest son was recently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.  I share this with you only for you to have a context - if Staci can think of this, you can too.

Try a little "letter learning" with "sensory tactile stimulation." Jonah enjoyed closing his eyes to dig through the rice to find a magnetic letter. He then matched his letter to the letter written in sharpie on the baking pan.   Matching the letter to an outline lays the foundation for learning the shape or configuration of words. Who doesn't have magnetic letters, rice and a baking sheet?

Here's the other idea Staci tried.   With a sharpie draw 'boxes' for sorting on the outside of a zip lock bag. Put hair gel in the bag.  Add some stickers and then seal it.  Let your child sort the stickers into the appropriate boxes.   Think of all they ways you can vary this simple activity.

Have fun!

That's just like...

Making connections is one of the things we do.  Anytime we learn something new, what do we do? We think about what we already know that is similar, make a connection.  When we read, we make a text to text or book to book connection.   We read and the current book reminds us of a previously read book.  Another type of connection we make is a text to self.   The book we are reading reminds us of something we have done, have experienced.  The last type of connection we can make is a text to world.   This is the hardest type of connection to make.   We can connect the book we are reading to a world issue,  problem or event.

Some children make connections naturally.  I was working with teachers today and they were expressing though, how difficult it was for their little kiddos.  It shouldn't be.

I am not saying you now have to start saying, oh you just made a text to text connection.  I am suggesting you make connections for children when they happen naturally and use natural language.  For example, if you are getting ready to have a sleepover, you could say, you are having a sleepover, that's just like when we read the book, Ira Sleeps Over.  After reading a book, if it makes sense you could say, this book reminds me of......(book).  It's just like ...(book).  If you are reading a book about kids going to a playground, you might say, that's just like when we go to the playground.

Making connections is an important piece in reading comprehension.

Try it, you will see it's not that hard.

To spank or not to spank

To spank or not to spank that is the question about which everyone seems to be talking.  Before you stop reading, I am not going to say you should or shouldn't spank your child.  I am going to hopefully give you something about which to think.  I am very much against hitting a child or any human being with a belt, spatula, switch or object.

According to Webster's Dictionary, spanking is a verb and means "to strike on the buttocks with the open hand."   So first off, if you are using anything other than your open hand on the buttocks you are not spanking you are hitting or striking.

Now that we have that cleared up, my problem with using a belt, spatula, spoon, switch etc, is that you have no control over how hard you are hitting.  You can't feel the buttocks as you can with your hand.  The object you are using has no feeling.   Your hand does.

Let's take the argument, My parents used a belt on me and I turned out okay.  That sentence bothers me on so many levels.   First off, I turned out okay, implies you had something to overcome.  The other problem I have is that each generation tries to be better than the previous one.  Hopefully we learn from the previous generation.   We used to use children in sweat shops until we got smarter.

Why do we spank or hit?  We do so to stop a behavior or change a behavior.  Most child psychologists will tell you that the 'punishment' or intervention must fit the child.   In other words, it has to be meaningful to the child.  Taking away a toy a child doesn't like will not make an impression.  Taking away a favorite toy will.  Maybe taking away a toy isn't what needs to be done, maybe taking away tv time or iPad time.   What is meaningful to your child?  It also depends on the age of the child.

Time out works if you stick with it.  There are a lot of substitutes for spanking or hitting your child.  Google disciplining your child.  One site is Kids Health.

Remember modeling is more powerful than words.  So if we tell our children we don't hit people and then we hit them what message are we sending?

All I ask is that if you choose to use corporal punishment use your hand not an object.   And just give it some thought.

It's not about you

One of the things my grown children like to say to me is, Mom, it's not about you.  They aren't being rude or disrespectful just telling me how they see it.  Sometimes it's justified, like when I worry about  what people will think about me when the situation has nothing to do with me.  Sometimes it isn't justified. But that's okay.

I was reminded of this the other day when grocery shopping.  I overheard a young boy ask his mother if they could get a pumpkin to carve.  The mom quickly replied with a resounding No, I hate how messy they are!  The boy asked a few more times each time getting a variation on the original 'No!'  I couldn't help but think, it's not about you, it's about giving your child the experience of carving a pumpkin!  

I wanted to say something but I was reminded of the other thing my kids tell me regularly and that's, Mom, it's not your business, not your child.  So, I just kept shopping, keeping my mouth shut.

I started thinking of all the things parents/friends have shared with me about experiences they have denied their child because of their issues.   One never let her child use glue...too messy.   Another never allowed scissors...too dangerous.  One never allowed her child to help cook...too time consuming.  Another never let her child help with laundry...too I'm not sure what.

Bottom line, kids need experiences.  Truth be told, if we only allowed things that fit our criteria, not messy, completely safe, within our time frame, I am afraid our kids would do nothing.

I am amazed by the number of adults who have never carved a pumpkin!  Carving a pumpkin is very messy and slimy but also great fun.  Washing and then roasting the pumpkins seeds is even more fun and yummy.  If you really want to go all out, cook the pumpkin meat and make a pie or bread.  

If you don't want to expose your child to the carving pumpkin experience, think about it as building a memory!   (Plus, think of the vocabulary you can develop while cleaning out the pumpkin!)

Natural times to talk

I  have blogged about the word gap and the importance of oral language before.   But it is so important it bears repeating.  It's never too early to start. Researchers out of Stanford University tested language processing of 18 and 24 month olds.  Even at those early ages , there were discrepancies.  The research was proving that economic level impacts language and that is true. However, more and more children from middle and upper class are coming to school without well developed oral language.

As a long time educator, sometimes I don't understand why they don't have oral language.  It just isn't that hard.  It is natural.  Here are some examples of natural times to engage your young one in oral language.

• Introduce new words in context - have the actual item if possible or at least a picture.  For example, while in the grocery store if you are buying fruit, name the fruit as you place it in your basket.
• Use your hands and face.  If you are saying what a surprise, then let your face and voice reflect a surprise.
• Let your little one help unload the dishwasher (the safe things).  Say things like, Thank you for that spoon, put the forks here.
• During bath time, talk about which tub toys float, sink, stick to the sides, pour the water.  Use foam letters and numbers.
• Sing nursery rhymes so they can hear the music and playfulness of language.

These are just a few.  I know you can think of your own.

Don't expect them to bust out with a complete sentence.   BUT, pay attention, they will start using the words before you know it.

Happy talking!

What the heck? Levels?

I was talking with some great teachers today about their kids and reading.  Several grade levels were represented.  On my way home I thought about all the jargon we use as teachers.  We understand what we are talking about but when we convey that information to parents, many times as parents we have no idea.   We shake our heads in agreement, leave and think what the heck was she talking about?

Example of a Level A text

Today we were specifically talking about reading levels. Beginning as early as PreKindergarten, your child's teacher may tell you your child is on a level A or 1, or D etc.  Each grade level has a range of 'reading levels'.  Some schools use a letter system, A-T or so and some use a number system.  To determine the level teachers administer a running record.  All that is is marking the errors a child makes while reading.  It gives a little window into the thinking or processing your child does when reading.   These levels do not correspond to the level books you see in the stores, you know, I Can Read books or Step Up to Reading.

Example of a Level F text

Bottom line, at your parent conference ask to see the text of whatever level your child is on.  Ask to see an example of the text they should be reading at the end of the year.  If your child is having trouble reading, ask what is he/she doing while reading? What reading behaviors does he/she use?  What reading strategies are they working on?

You will get a better picture of  your child and you will look so smart to the teacher!