Vocabulary flashcards...ugh

Ask any teacher and they will (or should) tell you that a large vocabulary is of utmost importance in children.  Ask any researcher and they will tell you that vocabulary is one of the great dividers among children.  Heavens, ask any young adult about to take the SAT and they will tell you how important vocabulary is!

So, we get it, vocabulary is important.  But short of flashing vocabulary cards in front of your child's face how does one do that? Teach vocabulary.  I was modeling a reading lesson the other day and asked the young students as they read to jot down any word that was new to them on a sticky note.  After jotting down the word, I asked them to jot down what they thought it might mean, based on what they read and what helped them figure it out.  Initially the kids looked at me because they weren't accustomed to directing their own learning.  I explained that I had no idea what words they might not know, I wasn't in their brain!  It was interesting.  They all had a different word/s they weren't sure of.  A few of the words, I admit, I thought, really, you don't know that word? Keeping that thought to myself, we discussed the words and how they went about figuring out what the word meant.  That is a vocabulary strategy that will carry them through life.

Now, I don't expect you to have your 3 or 4 year old jot down unfamiliar words.   But I do sort of expect you to use rich vocabulary with them.  My daughter is trying to expose her daughter to rich vocabulary.  It's pretty funny, her daughter is two.   When they eat, Amy will ask Lola, Is it good, is it yummy, tasty, delicious?  Lola typically replies with yes because it is usually something she loves. Amy uses many words for good.  What we have noticed is that when she asks Lola if something is scrumptious, the answer is always no!  No idea why.  Even with that, she is being exposed to rich vocabulary and will eventually incorporate these words in her speaking vocabulary...probably not scrumptious.  However, if you have a child who is reading, feel free to ask him or her, do you know what....means?  How did you figure it out?

I do sort of expect you to read them books that have rich language.  Yes, I know there are many books for little ones about shapes and counting and letters etc. and they all have a place, we need to read those.  They need to learn those things too. But we also need to read books rich in language.

While making my weekly visit to the local book store I came across the book, Little Oink by Amy Krause and Jen Corace.   First of all it's a funny book about a little pig who likes everything neat and tidy, his parents send him to his room to make a mess as any respectable pig would do.  What I loved, though about this book was the vocabulary.  A funny book that any child 4 and up will love, but a book with words like; truffle, savored, relished, respectable, proper, snorted and retorted!  

A few others I came across and just accidentally bought were -Fancy Nancy: Spring Fashion Fling and Fancy Nancy Budding Ballerina both by Jane O'Connor and Robin Preiss Glasser.  How cool would it be if your child said, Mommy, let me demonstrate, instead of let me show you??? 

Visit a library, visit a book store.  Take your time and browse.  Look for rich vocabulary within the books.  Who knows, your child may not need as many vocabulary flashcards in Kindergarten.

Earth Day - Do We Need It?

When I was growing up, there were no litter laws.  It's so hard to believe that people would/could drive down the highway, roll down a window and toss a bag of trash out.  It was nothing to see trash on the shoulders of the roads.  I know, unbelievable!  I can't get my head around that now.

Today is Earth Day or so I have read.  Funny, Dr. Seuss Day got more coverage than Earth Day.  I will grant you on the surface Dr. Seuss Day or Chocolate Day may seem more fun than Earth Day but which will have more pay off?  I know Dr. Seuss Day will instill a love of reading...maybe or maybe it will just be fun to read those books and move on.  Earth Day, though will bring an awareness to our youngest that we need to take care of the earth.

Earth Day is in Spring and what better time to talk about how plants grow?  That discussion leads to what plants need and water.....and maybe we should stop wasting it.  We take walks in the Spring, notice the litter and how it impacts the animals around us.

Teaching our youngest ways to take care of our natural resources will last forever.  Like any habit, those that are instilled at a young age typically carry on into adulthood.

There are simple things you can do without lecturing.  We do waste water, every day.  Teach your child to turn off the water while brushing his/her teeth.  Don't just let the water run in the drain when washing hands or dishes.  Don't fill the tub all the way up to the top.  When doing these things, just say, We are saving water.   We don't want to waste it.   If you have left over water in a glass don't pour it out, pour it on a plant.  While we are talking about water....buy your child a reusable water bottle.   Let's stop buying all the disposable water bottles.  Just explain to your child why.

How hard is it to cut the plastic 6 pack thing part.  You know, the plastic thing that holds the soft drink cans in place.   Did you know birds get their beaks/head stuck in them and die.  So before you throw it away, simply cut it apart so there are no complete circles.  Tell your child why you are doing it.

I am guilty of taking my grandchildren to feed the ducks at a local lake.  We take our bread and throw it out to them. It is always great fun.  Recently I read that feeding bread to ducks is actually not good for them.   Fun for us but harmful to the ducks.  From now on we will either take corn or just watch.

Most cities have recycling programs.   While this can be overwhelming, basic recycling is not hard.   Young children can learn to separate things.  We call that sorting!  It's actually a math skill.

In our quest for convenience we  use things that are not always the best for our earth.  Buy a set of plastic plates and cups for the picnics instead of paper plates and cups.  Talk to your child about landfills and how long it takes for things to break down.

Here are some great Earth Day books...you can read them any day really!
Jimmy's Gone Green!- Kathy Cane
The Curious Garden - Peter Brown
It's Earth Day - Mercer Mayer
Adventures of a Plastic Bottle-Allison Inches
Earth Book for Kids: Activities to Help Heal the Environment- Linda Schwartz
I Can Save the Earth!: One Little Monster Learns to Reduce, Reuse and Recycle- Allison Inches
The Green Mother Goose: Saving the World One Rhyme at a Time- David Davis and  Jan Peck This takes traditional nursery rhymes and gives them an eco friendly theme.
Recycle- Gail Gibbons
Compost Stew: An A to Z Recipe for the Earth- Mary McKenna Siddals
The Great Kapok Tree- Lynne Cherry
The Lorax -Dr. Seuss

And for those of you who love the Pinkalicious books check out Emeraldalicious by Victoria Kann

Apple cores, bananas bruised, coffee grounds and filters used might all go into compost stew!

Let Your Child Marinate in Words

If you are anywhere near a public school you can feel the test anxiety.  It makes me crazy and of course I have my opinion of how it could be handled and not stress everyone out!  BUT  I will save that for another day.

While visiting with some kindergarten teachers about their students and test results, they realized one of the areas that was particularly low was vocabulary.  Personally I believe it's a tricky thing to test, especially on a computer, but the world testing powers  didn't ask me.  Now we can argue the merits of even taking a test on a computer and all the variables that are at play, but again we will save that for another day.

The teachers and I were talking about how to teach or really expose children to vocabulary.  Because the words are random, you can't 'preteach' every word.  A word that is on the assessment one month may be randomly replaced with a different word the next month.  So what to do?

Ideally all children will come to school with a vast vocabulary.   While that would be great it doesn't happen.  Parents are overwhelmed and intimidated by vocabulary - and you shouldn't be.  What is important is to expose children to words.  So to start with,  just talk to your child.  When I say talk to your child, I mean use your grown up voice.  Don't talk baby talk to your child.  Look for opportunities to use real words rather than made up silly words.  For example, if your child has a scratch, instead of saying, Oh you have an ouy or a boo boo, try saying,  Oh you have a scratch.  I can guarantee your child will only encounter boo boo at your house but will encounter scratch everywhere else.  Sometimes a food can be yummy, but it might be luscious, or tangy or spicy.

The more children are exposed to words the more likely they will pick them up.  If you don't believe me think about a word or words your young child has repeated that you know you didn't teach him or her.

Think about synonyms for words you probably over use.  Do you always tell your daughter she looks pretty? Does she ever look glamorous, or sophisticated, or beautiful or spunky?  What about your son?   Does he ever look dapper?

What are some other ways to say good game or you played well.  We know from research that children respond better to specific language, for example I like the way you caught that ball instead of good job. Perhaps the game was intense, or a nail biter.

With the warmer weather, it's an ideal time to be outside observing nature.  Everything isn't a bug! There are crickets and grasshoppers and cicadas.  Some are insects and some are not.

Maybe at the store there weren't a lot of people,  maybe there were hordes of people or maybe it was a throng of people.

One of the easiest ways to increase your child's vocabulary is to read good literature to them.  Some of my favorite authors are listed on my blog site.

When we marinate meat, we let it sit for hours, soaking up the rich marinade.  That's what we want to do with words and our children.  Let them soak up or marinade in words.  I promise not only will it  pay off on test day, your kids will have a vast vocabulary!

Crocheting and Kids

I learned to crochet last week.  Well, I began learning how to crochet.  My sister crochets beautiful things - scarves, afghans, hats all sorts of things.  My mother in law crochets too.  She has entered some of her things in the State Fair.  Both of them have told me how fun and relatively easy it is to learn.  For thirty five years I have told my mother in law the issue is I am left handed and she is right handed therefore making it very hard for me to learn.   It wasn't that I didn't want to, I envisioned myself many times sitting, watching television and my fingers nimbly working the yarn and the hook. It was that I knew it was going to be hard.  My sister called one day and told me she had bought a book on beginning crocheting that had left handed instructions.  YAY!  She would teach me during our week in Estes Park.  I really was excited and just knew that by the end of the week I would be turning out a beautiful afghan.  My three children would fight over who got mom's first afghan!

The lesson began - I was ready.  Yarn in one hand, hook in the other.  The first thing my sister noticed was that I wasn't relaxed.  My fingers were too tight and up close to the end of the hook. Apparently that was not good.  My project was a coaster.  According to the directions I would be able to whip one out in about an hour.  My sister was very patient.  She would lovingly say, Well, let me see what you have done.  She repeated that phrase over and over and over and over again.  She, being a retired educator, was extremely supportive and kept telling me it looked great. (It really didn't.)

After 7 hours and all I had accomplished was the first row or foundation, my dreams of my children arguing over who would get my first afghan were dashed.  I must have ripped that first row out a hundred times.  Either the loops were too tight or too lose or there was what looked like a growth coming out of the side.  She would say, leave it, it's ok.  But I knew it wasn't.  I was determined so the next crocheting time came and I was at it again.  Deciding maybe it was the cotton yarn, I switched yarns and it did seem much easier.  I made my second coaster in about an hour compared to the 36 hours for the first!

Ever more determined I started on my third coaster.  Could I possibly have a set of 4 before I left to go home?  I was starting to get excited.  I really had learned to crochet!   All along my sister would periodically ask, What do your instructions say?  I had it down, I stopped following along.  My third coaster was the best so far until it was time to finish the edges.  I had forgotten to look at my instructions so instead I snipped the yarn.  I realized quickly I still needed that yarn to do the slip stitch around the edges. I won't repeat what I said.  Always the educator my sister said, Really, it's okay.  We can just tie this together and you are set.  I told her I would do that later and that I was going to do my fourth coaster so I would have all four.

Here's the deal.  It was really, really hard.  I would sneak a peek at my sister crocheting and her fingers were just as relaxed as could be.  She could even visit while she worked!  I wanted to quit, several times.  I thought, I could pay  YOU to make my dumb coasters!  But I didn't.  I kept at it.  I posted my progress on Face Book and loving friends encouraged me, even though I know in their minds they were thinking Oh my gosh!  

I do not recommend you teach your child how to crochet.  Although they might be better than I am. But it reminded me of how hard it is for young children to learn new things.  I learned because my sister provided a scaffold for me.  She walked me through it, she modeled it for me.  She did a little and said, Now, you try it, all the while watching.  She kept encouraging me over and over again.

I think we do a disservice to children when we don't provide that scaffold.  When we don't encourage them all along the way.  When we don't do a little and say, Now you try it.  I think we do an even bigger disservice when we think they will learn something and be great the very first time, not giving them time to practice their craft.  It's a disservice to not realize how hard learning is, regardless of the content.

So....when you teach your child something or they come home from school discouraged about not being able to learn something, remember learning is very, very hard!  Remind them of that too!

The geranium on the windowsill just died...

This is one of my favorite poems by Albert Cullum.  I think sadly it sums up a lot of classrooms, including preschools and day cares.

If you live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area  you are probably tired of the snow, ice, dreary, cold weather. I hate to complain too much when I see what Boston keeps getting.  We had two snow days last week.  Then Friday, it snowed while everyone was at school, preschool and work.  As I watched all the schools and day cares post they were in session, I hoped that the teachers and care providers would throw schedules to the wind and let the children go out and experience the snow.

Now before my teacher friends remind me that there is a high stakes test lurking around the corner and everyone has standards and common core and blah, blah, blah, I have been on enough campuses and have been in education long enough to know that there are days when time is wasted...for whatever reason or no good reason.

There are great teachable moments that happen and as teachers and care providers we need to be aware of them, be alert to them and respond to them.  A few minutes to go out and touch the snow is not going to harm any child educationally.  It may do a lot of good, it may allow for some great oral language, it might even build a positive memory.  If 5-10 minutes of going outside to experience snow destroys a program then the program has other problems.

Parents, check out your child's daycare and school  How do they respond to those spontaneous things that happen?  When it snows where are they? Inside or outside?

As a parent did you take your kids out on the stay home days to play and experience the snow?

Obviously school and work are very important and I do not subscribe to people 'skipping' out  just because.  But life is short and there are times to build memories.  In 1999, the Texas Rangers were playing Seattle during the day.  My son was in 6th grade at the  time.   Ken Griffey Jr. was his favorite player and played for Seattle.  What could be better than his favorite team playing his favorite individual player.  It was the last game of the season, it was the last game of the millennium  it was just too important a game to miss, at least to a 6th grader.  We struggled with what to do.  My husband was in favor and I was not.  I was a teacher, how could I condone missing school for a game?  My husband won and came up with a 'dentists' excuse.  So now, not only was he missing school we were lying about it!  Half way through the day I felt so guilty that I called the school and confessed where they really were.  After some fun, at my expense, the principal told me she was glad we had done that.  Blake would remember that far longer than anything taught that day.  She also said that if missing one day was going to set him behind we had bigger issues.   Her comments have stayed with me!  Guess what, he still talks about the day he missed school to go see the Texas Rangers play Ken Griffey Jr.  I don't recall him talking about a regular day at school the same way.

I know attendance is very important.  Kids needs to be in school, kids need to be in preschool or Mother's Day Out or where ever you have your children.  But there are things that happen in life that we need to seize and enjoy.  Perfect attendance doesn't really build memories.

So when the geranium dies, please don't just go on.

What do Valentines, buttons and keys have in common?

Soooo, you bought the Valentine cards for your child to pass them out at school and it seems you have twice as many left.  I swear they multiply.  But don't throw them away just yet.  Get a couple of pairs and you have a matching game or memory game.  This type of game is great for children's basic memory as well beginning to focus on how things are alike and different.  For young children you really only need 4-6 pairs.  More than that for 3-4 year olds and it is overwhelming.  Another idea is to put the leftovers in a pile and ask your child to sort them, put them in groups.  You can model by saying, Let's put these in a group, they are all Hulk cards.  These are all Spiderman cards, These are all rectangles, etc.  How about sorting the cards by the number of words This is the beginning of learning about attributes or characteristics of things.  We sort by attributes, like color, shape, size, etc.  It's interesting to see how your child sorts the cards. Be sure and say things like, These go together because they all...Do you see any others that could go in this group?
on the card!
Take 3-4 different cards, cut them in half and have your child put them back together.  Cut each card in 3 and you have very easy puzzles.
Extra cards can also be used to start stories.  Get 3 cards and make up a story using all three cards. Encourage your child to add to the story.

My children accuse me of hoarding things.  I really do not, however, I do hold on to things a lot of people might not.  I have a drawer of those extra buttons that come on clothing, buttons that have fallen off and just buttons I find.  In my defense, buttons are one of the greatest things to use with children. You can sort them by color, size, number of holes and use them for counting.  When  my grands are here, we can sort and count.

How about all those keys you no longer remember what they unlock?  Another great tool for sorting. Kids come up with very creative way to sort keys.  Get a key and make up a story about what it unlocks or to whom it belongs.  Ask your child to  make a set of 2 keys, 3 keys, etc.

Everyone has coffee stirrers!  I love to use both keys and stirrers for measuring things.  Ask your child,  how many coffee stirrers long is the table?  How about the chair?  Your toy?  Kindergarten children are expected to know how to use nonstandard units of measure.  They can't understand inches, feet and yards until they just understand measuring, period.  Keys, paper clips, sugar packets are all great nonstandard units to use.

See?  I can tell you are thinking of other ways to use these ordinary things.

No data - just a gut feeling

Do you ever get tired of all the research people throw around?  I know I do.  I learned too that there is research for everything!  Sometimes I read a research title and think, Really!  Someone actually wanted to know about that?  Someone spent time researching that? Now,  do not get me wrong, there is research that is needed and valid.   But what I learned early on about some research is that it is done by the company touting something and has never been replicated.  What I mean is a particular company may be saying glowing things about their product and spouting research that supports great results.  Great, you say.  However, what they don't tell you is that they are the only ones who did the research on a controlled group and it's never been conducted by an outside, independent source - replicated.

I love research, truly I do, but I love common sense and following our gut too.  It's hard to present facts or data based on 'gut feelings' but I think they are just as important.  I have said it before I think it's hard to raise a child today.   Everywhere you turn someone (even me) has an opinion, a social media site, a blog,  a website, it's crazy!  If you follow anything on the political scene with public education you have certainly realized there is no common sense either!

We know colleges now look for students to be 'well-rounded.'   They don't want the straight A student with the perfect GPA who did nothing but study (they probably want a few).  They want kids who have volunteered, who have 'given back', they are looking for kids who played sports in addition to getting good grades.   In other words, they want kids.

So if we know this, why wait until their high school years to start this?  When a young adult tells me, Oh I need to do this volunteer program because it will look good on my college application, I am tempted to say, Please don't bother. You see, to me, they are doing it for the wrong reason, they are doing it for the application not because it is a kind, thoughtful thing to do.

If we want kids to be life long givers, then let's start them participating in volunteer things as soon as they can.  Teach them how to write thank you notes.  Have them gather up old toys or clothes and actually take the clothes to a Clothes Closet or Goodwill, not out on the curb.  Choose a Salvation Army angel and let them go help buy the gifts.  If they are raising money for a cause, let them give some of their allowance to the cause too and not just collect from friends. Let them help serve breakfast at a shelter.  I think the list is endless.

I don't have any hard data from research that starting a child out early to volunteer and give back creates a life long giver or that it creates a more compassionate adult.  It makes sense though to me and I have a gut feeling it may be true.  Maybe if we started our kids out at an early age to care about others and not wait until they are seniors and need 'volunteer hours' for an application, our world would improve.  No data, just a gut feeling.

Fight for your child....nobody else will

In the last week I have had two examples shared with me about what I would consider 'bullying'.  It is easy to dismiss most things until they happen to you.  All of a sudden when it's your child that is the recipient, it isn't quite so silly, or the current buzz word, it's real.  When it's your child, it's hurtful and upsetting.

Let me make a little disclaimer, while I think bullying is unacceptable, I also believe the Zero Tolerance attitude is a little unrealistic, out of control and should be thought through depending on the age of child or number of times of offenses.  I don't believe a 1st grader should be in isolation the first time he/she bullies another.  Typically a bully has other issues that need to be addressed.

The first incident was with my grandson.  He came home from school and was obviously 'out of sorts'.  His behavior was seriously not consistent with his usual 'happy to share his day' attitude.  In fact, according to his mom it bordered on downright rude and belligerent.  When he had a full fledged meltdown she asked if he had had a 'rough' day?  (Ya think???)  He quickly informed her he didn't want to discuss it.   She left it alone.  When his dad got home he had calmed down enough to discuss it.  Apparently there was a child being a bully to Parker at school.  It was occurring during lunch and the recess following.  Now, you and I would probably laugh at being called a 'water head'  or 'ground beef',  but to a sensitive 6 year old it was upsetting. Being shoved in the back as he was walking was upsetting as well.  Parker and his parents discussed it and told him to ignore the bully.

What concerned me (in addition to MY grandson being picked on) was my daughter's initial reluctance to contact the teacher.  She finally did with some encouragement and the teacher was appreciative.  The bottom line was Parker didn't realize he could tell another teacher/lunchroom monitor on duty something that was going on.  Add to that we emphasize to our kids not to tattle. They hear that at home and they especially hear it at school.  The consequence of that is they don't know what to do and they internalize it.

As teachers, we don't want kids coming up all the time 'tattling' so we come up with clever little sayings like only interrupt/tattle if it's one of the three B's - blood, barf, body (part).  We think those are so clever but we many times don't realize how we silence a child who needs to share about a bully.  The child comes home, shares and it is up to  the parent, the comforter, to address it with the school.

The second example of bullying was actually done in my opinion by a teacher,  No, names weren't called, nobody was pushed in the back however, in a sense a teacher bullied a child.  According to the definition of bullying: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.

Teachers many times use rewards and consequences to stop negative behaviors.  These are typically harmless.  My problem is that many times the consequence is not age appropriate thereby making it impossible for a young child to meet.  There is so much research on age appropriate consequences that teachers should know better.  In this situation, a child was denied the opportunity to participate in an extra 'fun' day.  I can go along (sort of) with not getting to participate if the teacher had said, If this behavior continues, then you won't get to participate tomorrow.  BUT, in this case the child didn't get to participate in an event at the end of the week based on behavior several weeks prior. As a 5 year old, she was to remember a reward three-four weeks out.  (I might add the reward was secret.)   Kindergarten children have no concept of time.  They aren't being stubborn and choosing to not understand time, their little brains aren't developed yet to grasp the concept of time. So having them work towards something 3-4 weeks out is ludicrous. Add to that the  'offense' was extremely vague. 

Again, my concern was that the parents, although divided on how to handle it, didn't feel they should fight for their child.  They made the best of a bad situation but the child is confused about behavior and consequences.  What she has learned was that you pay the price today for your behavior, but at the end of the month you may get penalized again - surprise.  She learned that a teacher has the power to decide what happens and change the rules in the middle of the game.

With consequences we know they have to be immediate, or they lose their effectiveness and they have to be age appropriate.  The expectations have to be clear. These parents owe it to their child to talk to the teacher and make their displeasure and disagreement made known.  They aren't arguing with her daily discipline but with this secret, unknown motivational reward.  The child clearly knows and understands the daily rules and consequences. Yes, life isn't fair but they will learn that in good time and don't need to learn it in kindergarten.

Teachers make mistakes, not intentionally but we do.  We use our power sometimes against kids when we are tired, frustrated or don't know better.  As parents we need to fight for our child, call the teacher out.  

Other kids can be mean.  Yes, we need to teach our children to ignore bullies, but we have to stand up for our kids too and let the teachers know.

I am passionate about kids (and adults) being treated nicely by other children and teachers.  Life is short, hug your kids!

Mean Moms

My daughter was ranting the other day about the 'mean moms' at the dance studio.  They huddle in a corner and apparently discuss the little dancers.  Keep in mind they are 3 and 4 so they are really not dancing, but figuring out how to move across a floor on tiptoes and leaps while staying upright.  I am not knocking it at all, I love little dancers.  BUT they are brand new dancers, they have only been alive 3 or 4 years!   TOTAL!  They recently learned how to walk!

Is this a tendu?

Now to be fair, these moms talk about their own daughters too.  This always bothers me because many times, these girls will grow up to be the "mean girls" in school.  

We can teach our children to be kind and compassionate.  I love this from NAEYC, 10 Tips for Raising a Compassionate Infant, Toddler:

 Recent research shows that infants and toddlers are far more empathetic than we once thought.  While they have short fuses, and don’t cope well with sharing, they are capable of being compassionate. 

The article mentions 10 things parents can do to raise compassionate children. I didn't read talking ugly about other children as one of them.   Lots of easy things to do, but my favorite is #1.

I tell ya, that modeling the right thing is hard!

What if...they don't get the story?

I was observing a teacher a few years ago and she was doing a wonderful lesson on fables.  She was reading The Ant and the Grasshopper.  When she asked her 5-6 year olds about the moral, the lesson, their answer was priceless.  The children felt the ant was wrong to not share his food with the grasshopper!  The actual moral is to be ready, prepare for the future which the grasshopper obviously didn't do.  If you aren't prepared then you suffer the consequences.  When the teacher questioned them more, they responded that friends share. Pure and simple. The ant should have shared the food he gathered with his friend, the grasshopper, because his friend was busy playing.

Another teacher was working with 1st graders reading The Three Bears.  When the children were asked who was the character in the wrong, they unanimously responded with the bears!  What?   She had to spend 10-15 minutes guiding the conversation before they realized Goldilocks was at fault We don't go into the homes of people we don't know.  Some people call that breaking and entering! But in their young minds bears are scary and mean.

Zoey, my 4 year old grand daughter loves Frozen. Does she understand the deep meaning and how as adults we are thrilled that a princess didn't need a prince to save her? No, she doesn't but she loves the story and in time as she grows older and revisits Frozen she will get it. Through simple discussion her mom can lead her to understand a little deeper.

In all these situations, besides being funny, we realize children only have their background knowledge on which to rely. The deeper understanding comes a little later. In fact, Seeta Pai, vice president of research at Common Sense Media, an organization that rates and reviews all kinds of children's media, says that because of the logical and cognitive skills needed children might not be able to fully understand deeper meanings until about age 9.


Does this mean we don't read fables to children?  Do we stick with simplistic stories that do not require deep thinking?  No.  It is still important to expose children to fables and legends and all the other genres.  They may not get the symbolism of a poem, but they will hear the lilt and rhythm of the words.  They will understand stories at their level of understanding.  Through you talking with them, they may get a little deeper understanding.

Don't give up if your child misses the point.  At least you are exposing them to good stories!

That call was ...$$^##

Even if you are not a Cowboys' fan, or even if you don't like football, unless you lived in a vacuum you probably heard about "that" call.  Rather, the call that was reversed, overturned.  Not being a football expert, I don't understand the call, the reversal or even the hub bub over it.  Yes, there are those who think it cost Dallas the game, then there are those that say it shouldn't have come down to one call.  I really am not concerned about that, what I am concerned about is....you guessed it...the modeling.  Now before you sound like my kids and say, oh mom it's just football not school! hear me out.

I have written about the power of modeling.  We all have tales of our children doing something that we know we have modeled, intentionally or not.  I hear people yelling at the television and when calls don't go the way we want them to - we yell, That call was crap!  That ref is blind.   That ref is being paid off by.... Even more upsetting is when we carry that type of talk to friends, acquaintances who cheer for the opposite team.  Then we maturely(or not) call everyone idiots, stupid and my all time favorite, trolls! Wasn't it just the week before the same fans who felt jilted yesterday were calling another team out for being upset about their bad call.  But see that was okay because the earlier call went  in my favor. Yesterday's call went against me and my team.

When my son was in high school he got a suspension for telling a teacher a grade was bull crap.  Yea, proud mother moment.  I don't say that, his father doesn't say that but his baseball coach did.  We all adored his coach.  However, when a call didn't go the way he thought it should he would tell the umpire what he thought about the call.  The power of modeling!  I didn't think my son would adopt that behavior.  My son did go and apologize and it did lend itself to a discussion of respect and things we do not say.  But again, the power of modeling.

As hard as it is, forward to your child in preschool or other grades.  What we are modeling is calling 'crap' when things don't go our way.  When we don't get the answer we want, or think we deserve we yell and scream and call the other side idiots or trolls.  Teachers complain about children doing that all the time. They say kids need to accept when things don't go their way.  Interestingly, teachers behave that way too sometimes.  But how can we expect children to accept a call or an answer or decision they don't like when we adults we don't?

Man, that power of modeling is hard to remember.   Most children will do as we do rather than do as we say.  Ouch!

Marinate children....

...in higher-level vocabulary.   Don't you  just love that visual?  When you marinate something, it sits and soaks slowly, absorbing all the flavors in the  marinade.  This is actually a quote from  Pam Allyn, founder of LitWorld.Org, a nonprofit group that works to increase literacy among young people. The read-aloud can accomplish this.   Not only does reading aloud to children (even after they can read to themselves) build that background knowledge and increase vocabulary, there is research now that claims it also leads to a love of reading.

We know to get better at something you have to practice, you have to do it.  Reading is the same.  Sadly, children have very little time to read at school.  Of course that should be a top priority but instead the day is taken up with silly stuff instead of actual reading.  Nor do children have many opportunities to choose what they read at school.  What better place to let children choose the books they read than at home.   Even the youngest can choose a book.  What better way to end a day than to curl up and listen to an adult read a good book, with lots of expression and rich vocabulary.

You may be thinking, how can my 3 year old read.  Well, there are 3 ways to read a book.  You can just make up a story, turning each page.  You can look at each picture and create a story that goes with the picture.  Lastly, you can read the words.  All three are valid ways for young children.  Your young child can read to an even younger child!

Your 4 year old won't inform you you aren't playing doll house 'properly' if she hasn't been marinated in higher - level vocabulary.  

How can something so easy and fun like reading aloud have so many benefits!  It just does.
Don't take my word for how important reading aloud to children is.   Google it!

How Many Parenting Books Do You Have?

My oldest daughter, Emily, wanted to be a on pee wee drill team all through elementary school.  All her friends were on it.  We wouldn't let her participate.  She did participate in age appropriate tap and ballet classes.  I just had fundamental issues with pee wee football/drill team stuff.  She kept telling us that she would NEVER make cheerleader in middle school because only the girls who had been in peewee drill made it.  So be it then she wouldn't make it.  But, interestingly she did make and made it all through high school.  It would have been easy to cave and let her participate because anyone who was anyone participated in pee wee drill.  It seemed to be the thing to do.  We didn't cave and it still worked out.

I was in a book store recently and was overwhelmed by the number of parenting books available. There are books on how to raise every type of child imaginable.   There are books on how to raise the angry child, the stubborn child, the bilingual child, the child interested in science, the defiant child, the child with artistic potential, the obnoxious child (okay maybe not obnoxious) but seriously I was overwhelmed.  I didn't see a book on how to raise a normal child.  I wondered how many parents buy these books and turn their child into a defiant child.  Or how many parents walk out feeling like complete failures.

Parenting is made out to be so complicated.  If you don't have a college picked out before your child starts Kindergarten then you are a slacker.  If your child doesn't save 10% of his allowance he will never grow up to be fiscally responsible.   Your child only speaks one language?  Oh wow! There are enough parents at any little league game or dance studio to tell you how incompetent you are.

I am not saying if you teach your child another language or if you teach your child how to save money you are a bad parent.  Not at all.  There is a difference between exposure and teaching.  Even at that, if you want to teach your child some of these things, great but not at the expense of everyone's happiness.  If you don't do these things you are still a good parent.  And on a side note, I have met plenty of children who are in every type of class but could use a class on compassion for others.

Jennifer Senior in her article, For Parent Happiness is a Very High Bar, makes some very good arguments to slow down and take a deep breath.   I love what she says about focusing on "decency, a work ethic, love — and let happiness and self-esteem take care of themselves. I think if we all did that, the kids would still be all right, and so would their parents, possibly in both cases even better."

Imagine what our schools and playgrounds would look like if children came just with a sense of love and decency for each other and a sense to work hard on whatever they work on.  Maybe 2015 could be the year to focus on that!

In the mean time, take a deep breath and tell yourself you are a good parent!

The Single Most Important Activity is...

...reading aloud to your child.  I know, I know, I have said it before but it bares repeating because very few believe me.  It seems so easy, there are no worksheets, no quizzes, no way to measure how smart your child is.  And, let's face it, it's more impressive to say, We spell words every night, or My child has completed blah, blah phonics book, than to say, We just read every night.  

A friend of mine, a young mother, asked me what she could do to teach her three year old to read.  I think this mother was a little surprised when I told her, just read to her, talk to her.  This mother already does a fabulous job.  Her daughter has a great vocabulary for a three year old.

Take time to read the article, Reading Aloud to Children of All Ages or at least skim it and print out the books lists.  The article mentions several of the benefits but two particular benefits that lead to reading success are:

1. Reading aloud gives children background knowledge, which helps them make sense of what they see, hear, and read. The more adults read aloud to children, the larger their vocabularies will grow and the more they will know about the world and their place in it.
2. Reading aloud introduces the language of books, which differs from language heard in daily conversations, on television, and in movies. Book language is more descriptive and uses more formal grammatical structures.  Book language can throw a child off when he/she starts reading.

In addition to the above benefits it is so much fun!  Try it.  It is easy to stop reading aloud once your child starts reading.  Trust me, there are times you think, Thank goodness, he can read to himself! But your child can't read the books with the rich vocabulary.   More than likely, the books he reads will be very easy, limited in print.  

So don't stress over what all your friends are doing to get their child ready for reading and school. 

Get a book, get your child, snuggle up on the couch and just read!

5 Ways To Be a Better Parent

I love Jordan Shapiro and what he writes.   He is real and many times makes me think.  His article 5 Ways To Be a Better Parent is great.  If you don't read the entire article (it's what I call an easy read) at least read the first two paragraphs.  They speak to almost every parent I know.

I know that everyone can't fly to the Grand Canyon, but how can you show the world to your kids? How can you show your children compassion?  We all strive to do things better.   I tell teachers all the time that no parent wakes up, looks in the mirror and says, I am going to be a horrible parent today.  I am going to see how badly I can screw up my child.  Every parent does the very best with the tools they have.  Each of us tried to do things better or differently than our parents did.  I am sure my daughters have things they will do differently than I did.


So in these first few weeks of 2015 what are you going to do to be better?  Here are my top five:
1. Be in the moment.  Whether it's with friends, children, grandchildren, I will put the technology down and focus on the moment.
2. Have more fun.  When we are  together, I will try to be more spontaneous.  Stop and play a silly game.  If the house doesn't get cleaned, oh well at least we built a memory and had fun.  I can assure you my kids remember things we did together more than how clean our house was!
3. Have friends/family over even though my house isn't perfect.  I still need flooring but that may be awhile.  I may be dead before I get it!
4. Try new things, like foods, places, games, books and share those with my kids and grandkids.
5. Don't beat myself up when I mess up as a friend, family member, professional, parent or grandparent.  I will just start over the next day.

I wish #5 for all of you too.  I think with all the social media parents beat themselves up because they don't think they measure up to what's "trending" for parenting.  As teachers, we do a pretty good job making you feel like you have messed up your kids too.  Take a deep breath and give yourself a hug.
You are doing better than you realize.

One last thing, remember, kids are like people.  They have a hard time getting back to the routines after a break just like you do.   Cut them some slack.