You are more than a mom!

You go by several names and sadly your name is one of the last you go by.  You will be someone's mom  a long time.  I have to admit, I was a little sad when I was no longer known as, Emily's mom, Amy's mom or Blake's mom.  For such a huge part of our lives we are someone's mom. That's our identity.  There is nothing wrong with that, it's just a fact.

Some of us are also known as someone's wife.  When I got married, I was given a copy of the church cookbook.  All the recipes were authored by Mrs. (insert husband's first & last name).  Being a product of the 70's I was determined I would be known by MY name, not as Mrs. Anyone.  

I was reading an article this morning about how when asked what they have been doing, mother's typically reply with, oh, you know, just being a mom, or just momming it up! When I read that I thought, how sad.  You do so much!  You shouldn't say it like it's nothing.  You are so much more. You have a separate identity...or you should.

When I talk to moms, especially moms that do not work outside the house, they forget that they have lives or even entitled to have lives that don't involve being a mom.  Sometimes when a young mom says, Oh, I couldn't do that, or I don't have time for that, I feel sorry for them.   Parenting, unless you are a single mom, should be a shared experience.  I have had moms tell me that they can't take a little time for themselves, because their husband, the dad, has been working all day.  Well guess what! So have you!!!

If you are a working mom, throw in the self or society imposed guilt for working and not being a full time mom and you even have more issues with which to deal. 

You need to remember what makes you - you.  One day your kids will be grown or at least not need you as much.  You will go back to being 'your name', not someone's mom.  Sometimes that is a little late to remember who you are or were.

You and your husband need to make a date night once a week.   It doesn't have to cost money.  It can be walking around the mall.  You don't even have to leave the house.  It can be making a date to watch a movie together after the kids are in bed.  It's important to maintain the relationship.  I have seen too many couples put 100% of their lives into their kids.  The kids grow up and all of a sudden that common bond is gone.  It happens.  (Your kids will be super with 90% for them and 10% for you and your husband.)

So introduce yourself as you, with your name, first, not as someone's mom.  In the upcoming crazy holiday season, take time for yourself.  You and your husband watch a Hallmark movie together. Well, maybe not a Hallmark movie.

Are you kind?

Apparently tomorrow, November 13th is World Kindness Day.  I had no idea this day existed!  There is even a kindness movement!  On the one hand I thought, Really!  We have to have a designated day to be kind?   Of course after going through the most recent election, reading things on FaceBook, etc., we probably need more than a day!

Of course, I started thinking about kindness.  I don't think children automatically 'get' kindness.  I think they are sweet and nice but I am not sure they understand the concept of kindness.  Kindness is defined as doing something for someone without the expectation of something in return.

As you know I believe in the power of modeling.  I think it applies here too.  How do you model kindness in your family?  I think it's pretty easy if you attend a church.  Typically there are opportunities to do things for others without expecting something in return.  If you don't attend one how does one model that?

Here are a few suggestions that even small children can do.  Feel free to add your own or adapt these.

• Let your child help you gather outgrown clothes or toys and take them to Goodwill or other place
• Help your child write a thank you note to someone who did something nice for them.
• Help your child make cookies for a friend or neighbor...just because
• Smile at someone you meet on the street or the checkout person
• Say hello to someone at school who isn't your friend.
• Tell someone you see to have a nice day
• Buy a toy for a charity, let you child pick the toy and go with you to donate.  Ex. Salvation Army Angel Tree
• Make cards for people in a nursing home and take them
• Clean up for mom or your sister.
• Read a book to someone

We all need a little more kindness in our lives.  If we want our children to be kind, we need to teach them that it's important to be kind, do things for others.

I think it would be fun to be kind longer than just tomorrow.  How long can we go?

Numbers and Shapes and Adding, Oh My!

I am not proud but I was well into adulthood before I realized that math was not a mystery or magical but very practical.  I am obviously a literacy/reading person.  I married a math person.  We have regular discussions about which is more important, reading or math.  He claims that math is all around us and we would not be able to do anything without it.  I maintain that if one can't read, one can't do math or anything else for that matter.  Actually, there really is no winner because both are extremely important.

The problem is is that typically we don't talk math at home and we don't use authentic math at school. Children therefore are learning math in isolation and come away thinking it is either very hard or mysterious.

My husband explained that the 'tricks' he had learned were learned in his Number Sense club.  Yes, he was that guy!   For instance, I always struggle when adding a number to 9.    Imagine my excitement when my husband told me all you do is add the number to 10 and subtract one.  Now, many of you are thinking, "well duh" but as someone who didn't automatically get math it was like a secret code!

We can do a lot at home to help small children understand math.  Children need to understand that math is all around us, we see it and use it every day.  It is important, though that you use correct terms.  It's hard to undo some terms when a child comes to school.  For example,  the diamond is not a geometric shape.  It's a rhombus.

It's really easy to do 'math' talk.  For example, when you are walking to the car, ask which car is the farthest or which is farther.  Farther describe distance.  Don't use further.

Talk about shapes around the house.  Your coffee table may be the shape of a rectangle.  Maybe your table is an ellipse.  We use the term oval but it really isn't correct.  Think egg-like shape for oval.  A ball isn't a circle but a sphere.

Point out patterns on paper towels.  Talk about how the pattern repeats.  See if they can tell you what would come next in the pattern.

When you are eating chips or cookies, after eating one ask how many are left?  Continue after another one is eaten.  Be sure and talk about zero when they are all gone.

Give it a try.  Children love math when they understand it.

Parents, you are not stupid

Just like Pinterest can make parents feel inept, teachers can make a parent question his or her intelligence in a heart beat.  My oldest daughter called me about Parker's math homework.  I didn't fully understand what she was asking so I had her send me a picture of it.  See picture.  After seeing the picture I explained what Parker was to do.  It isn't that Emily isn't smart, she was just reading a lot more into the assignment, making it much harder than it was.  Luckily she didn't ask my opinion of the actual task because I might have needed to use the stupid word.  Seriously, if we want kids to understand patterns, let them find patterns around the house to replicate.  There are patterns on paper towels,  placemats, towels, lots of places.  Thankfully she didn't ask my opinion.

Sometimes as an adult we try to make the homework so much more than it is. Homework in Kindergarten should be face value.  Not complicated.  More importantly the child should be able to explain what they are to do.   And really, they should be just reading.  Google research on homework.

There are times when the directions make sense to a teacher but not a lay person.   When I was still in the classroom I had my husband read my directions before I sent them home.  I figured if he understood them, all parents could.  

If your child brings home an assignment that doesn't make sense to you, before you beat yourself up, call or email the teacher.  Better yet, send it back with a little note that says, I am so sorry, I wasn't sure what he was to do.  :)  Always attach a smiley face.  That makes everything better!

Are you an overachieving parent?

Are you?  If you are, I am in awe of you! If you are, you might want to rethink what you're doing.  I feel for parents today with the easy access of social media.  Just the Elf on the Shelf pictures people post are enough to put me over the edge. I wonder if it's more for the parent or the child.  If it stresses  you out stop it!   If you are on Pinterest, it doesn't take long to feel like you are the most inept parent.  No longer do we just have birthday parties.  We have themes.  I don't mean themes represented by the napkins, cups, plates and cake.  No! Now, we turn our house into a jungle for the jungle birthday party and everyone dresses up!  We make tents, not out of old blankets draped over the furniture, but themed fabric to match the bedroom - sewn by the child and parent as a bonding experience.

I don't mean to put anyone down if that's your thing, but goodness do we really need to paint fairy windows and doors on the trees in the backyard?  Not all of us are Martha Stewart nor do we need to make all of our children's toys out of pine cones.

My point is for those of us trying to do everything we read about, see on Pinterest or wherever, we need to slow down for 2 reasons.   The first reason is that kids really just want us to talk and play with them, read a book to them, be in the moment with them.  The second reason is that if everything is fairy dust, Pinterest and over the top, kids begin to expect it.  They expect to be wowed at every turn.  It's like on Halloween when you are low on candy and you start giving out 1 piece of candy. The child looks at you like, really!  That's all!

I spent today at the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) conference. It is a great experience to be around people from all over the world who truly care about what's best for young children.   Hopefully the facility or school that cares for your child was there.   If that person is you, go to their website.   The common thread was making parents realize they are their child's first teacher.  Once that is understood, helping parents realize how easy it is, and important it is to talk to your child.

I know when you are at the play date and everyone is sharing how they whittled a busy box out of wood, chains and light switches (you know stuff they just happened to have laying around), it's hard to say, we just played and talked.  But really, playing and talking is what is important.

So take a deep breath, get off Pinterest, go play and talk to your child.

What's on your bucket list for your kids?

Apparently you just aren't anyone unless you have a bucket list.  Of course this was made famous by the movie of the same name.  I thought a bucket list was supposed to be personal, you know like all the things you really want to do.  I googled bucket list and did you know that if you can't think of anything to put on your list, you can get ideas from Google.  On some level that just seems wrong.

I go back and forth between liking a bucket list and feeling funny about it.  On one hand I think we should live every day as if that day is our bucket list.  I don't think we should ever have regrets at the end of the day.  On the other hand, I know there are things out there that people really want to do.

As always, that made me think about our kids.  Do we ever have a bucket list for them?  Are there things you really want them to experience before they grow up and leave you?  I am not really talking about taking them to Europe or things on that scale.   More like, camping.  Okay maybe not camping, but fishing.

It doesn't even have to be to a place.  My mom grew up in Southern California before cars were a common thing.  She rode the city bus every where.  When I was growing up in Austin, she took us on a bus ride around town.  She thought everyone should experience riding on a bus.  She felt the same way about riding on a train.

I think every child should experience a farmer's market if there is one close.  In this day of technology and glitz and glitter, I worry that our kids are missing out on some really great things.  Most kids don't even know these experiences are out there.

Here are a few things I think should be on a bucket list for kids.  Fly a kite. Go on a hike.  Put your feet in a river.  Go to a zoo or aquarium.  Go to a playground and swing.  Cook out at a park.  Go to the library.  Visit a farmer's market.  Roast marshmallows.  Visit a farm.  Carve a pumpkin.  Make a pie or cake. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, food line.  Build a tent in the living room.  Play Go Fish.

What's on your list?