What do Valentines, buttons and keys have in common?

Soooo, you bought the Valentine cards for your child to pass them out at school and it seems you have twice as many left.  I swear they multiply.  But don't throw them away just yet.  Get a couple of pairs and you have a matching game or memory game.  This type of game is great for children's basic memory as well beginning to focus on how things are alike and different.  For young children you really only need 4-6 pairs.  More than that for 3-4 year olds and it is overwhelming.  Another idea is to put the leftovers in a pile and ask your child to sort them, put them in groups.  You can model by saying, Let's put these in a group, they are all Hulk cards.  These are all Spiderman cards, These are all rectangles, etc.  How about sorting the cards by the number of words This is the beginning of learning about attributes or characteristics of things.  We sort by attributes, like color, shape, size, etc.  It's interesting to see how your child sorts the cards. Be sure and say things like, These go together because they all...Do you see any others that could go in this group?
on the card!
Take 3-4 different cards, cut them in half and have your child put them back together.  Cut each card in 3 and you have very easy puzzles.
Extra cards can also be used to start stories.  Get 3 cards and make up a story using all three cards. Encourage your child to add to the story.

My children accuse me of hoarding things.  I really do not, however, I do hold on to things a lot of people might not.  I have a drawer of those extra buttons that come on clothing, buttons that have fallen off and just buttons I find.  In my defense, buttons are one of the greatest things to use with children. You can sort them by color, size, number of holes and use them for counting.  When  my grands are here, we can sort and count.

How about all those keys you no longer remember what they unlock?  Another great tool for sorting. Kids come up with very creative way to sort keys.  Get a key and make up a story about what it unlocks or to whom it belongs.  Ask your child to  make a set of 2 keys, 3 keys, etc.

Everyone has coffee stirrers!  I love to use both keys and stirrers for measuring things.  Ask your child,  how many coffee stirrers long is the table?  How about the chair?  Your toy?  Kindergarten children are expected to know how to use nonstandard units of measure.  They can't understand inches, feet and yards until they just understand measuring, period.  Keys, paper clips, sugar packets are all great nonstandard units to use.

See?  I can tell you are thinking of other ways to use these ordinary things.

No data - just a gut feeling

Do you ever get tired of all the research people throw around?  I know I do.  I learned too that there is research for everything!  Sometimes I read a research title and think, Really!  Someone actually wanted to know about that?  Someone spent time researching that? Now,  do not get me wrong, there is research that is needed and valid.   But what I learned early on about some research is that it is done by the company touting something and has never been replicated.  What I mean is a particular company may be saying glowing things about their product and spouting research that supports great results.  Great, you say.  However, what they don't tell you is that they are the only ones who did the research on a controlled group and it's never been conducted by an outside, independent source - replicated.

I love research, truly I do, but I love common sense and following our gut too.  It's hard to present facts or data based on 'gut feelings' but I think they are just as important.  I have said it before I think it's hard to raise a child today.   Everywhere you turn someone (even me) has an opinion, a social media site, a blog,  a website, it's crazy!  If you follow anything on the political scene with public education you have certainly realized there is no common sense either!

We know colleges now look for students to be 'well-rounded.'   They don't want the straight A student with the perfect GPA who did nothing but study (they probably want a few).  They want kids who have volunteered, who have 'given back', they are looking for kids who played sports in addition to getting good grades.   In other words, they want kids.

So if we know this, why wait until their high school years to start this?  When a young adult tells me, Oh I need to do this volunteer program because it will look good on my college application, I am tempted to say, Please don't bother. You see, to me, they are doing it for the wrong reason, they are doing it for the application not because it is a kind, thoughtful thing to do.

If we want kids to be life long givers, then let's start them participating in volunteer things as soon as they can.  Teach them how to write thank you notes.  Have them gather up old toys or clothes and actually take the clothes to a Clothes Closet or Goodwill, not out on the curb.  Choose a Salvation Army angel and let them go help buy the gifts.  If they are raising money for a cause, let them give some of their allowance to the cause too and not just collect from friends. Let them help serve breakfast at a shelter.  I think the list is endless.

I don't have any hard data from research that starting a child out early to volunteer and give back creates a life long giver or that it creates a more compassionate adult.  It makes sense though to me and I have a gut feeling it may be true.  Maybe if we started our kids out at an early age to care about others and not wait until they are seniors and need 'volunteer hours' for an application, our world would improve.  No data, just a gut feeling.

Fight for your child....nobody else will

In the last week I have had two examples shared with me about what I would consider 'bullying'.  It is easy to dismiss most things until they happen to you.  All of a sudden when it's your child that is the recipient, it isn't quite so silly, or the current buzz word, it's real.  When it's your child, it's hurtful and upsetting.

Let me make a little disclaimer, while I think bullying is unacceptable, I also believe the Zero Tolerance attitude is a little unrealistic, out of control and should be thought through depending on the age of child or number of times of offenses.  I don't believe a 1st grader should be in isolation the first time he/she bullies another.  Typically a bully has other issues that need to be addressed.

The first incident was with my grandson.  He came home from school and was obviously 'out of sorts'.  His behavior was seriously not consistent with his usual 'happy to share his day' attitude.  In fact, according to his mom it bordered on downright rude and belligerent.  When he had a full fledged meltdown she asked if he had had a 'rough' day?  (Ya think???)  He quickly informed her he didn't want to discuss it.   She left it alone.  When his dad got home he had calmed down enough to discuss it.  Apparently there was a child being a bully to Parker at school.  It was occurring during lunch and the recess following.  Now, you and I would probably laugh at being called a 'water head'  or 'ground beef',  but to a sensitive 6 year old it was upsetting. Being shoved in the back as he was walking was upsetting as well.  Parker and his parents discussed it and told him to ignore the bully.

What concerned me (in addition to MY grandson being picked on) was my daughter's initial reluctance to contact the teacher.  She finally did with some encouragement and the teacher was appreciative.  The bottom line was Parker didn't realize he could tell another teacher/lunchroom monitor on duty something that was going on.  Add to that we emphasize to our kids not to tattle. They hear that at home and they especially hear it at school.  The consequence of that is they don't know what to do and they internalize it.

As teachers, we don't want kids coming up all the time 'tattling' so we come up with clever little sayings like only interrupt/tattle if it's one of the three B's - blood, barf, body (part).  We think those are so clever but we many times don't realize how we silence a child who needs to share about a bully.  The child comes home, shares and it is up to  the parent, the comforter, to address it with the school.

The second example of bullying was actually done in my opinion by a teacher,  No, names weren't called, nobody was pushed in the back however, in a sense a teacher bullied a child.  According to the definition of bullying: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.

Teachers many times use rewards and consequences to stop negative behaviors.  These are typically harmless.  My problem is that many times the consequence is not age appropriate thereby making it impossible for a young child to meet.  There is so much research on age appropriate consequences that teachers should know better.  In this situation, a child was denied the opportunity to participate in an extra 'fun' day.  I can go along (sort of) with not getting to participate if the teacher had said, If this behavior continues, then you won't get to participate tomorrow.  BUT, in this case the child didn't get to participate in an event at the end of the week based on behavior several weeks prior. As a 5 year old, she was to remember a reward three-four weeks out.  (I might add the reward was secret.)   Kindergarten children have no concept of time.  They aren't being stubborn and choosing to not understand time, their little brains aren't developed yet to grasp the concept of time. So having them work towards something 3-4 weeks out is ludicrous. Add to that the  'offense' was extremely vague. 

Again, my concern was that the parents, although divided on how to handle it, didn't feel they should fight for their child.  They made the best of a bad situation but the child is confused about behavior and consequences.  What she has learned was that you pay the price today for your behavior, but at the end of the month you may get penalized again - surprise.  She learned that a teacher has the power to decide what happens and change the rules in the middle of the game.

With consequences we know they have to be immediate, or they lose their effectiveness and they have to be age appropriate.  The expectations have to be clear. These parents owe it to their child to talk to the teacher and make their displeasure and disagreement made known.  They aren't arguing with her daily discipline but with this secret, unknown motivational reward.  The child clearly knows and understands the daily rules and consequences. Yes, life isn't fair but they will learn that in good time and don't need to learn it in kindergarten.

Teachers make mistakes, not intentionally but we do.  We use our power sometimes against kids when we are tired, frustrated or don't know better.  As parents we need to fight for our child, call the teacher out.  

Other kids can be mean.  Yes, we need to teach our children to ignore bullies, but we have to stand up for our kids too and let the teachers know.

I am passionate about kids (and adults) being treated nicely by other children and teachers.  Life is short, hug your kids!