Hey guys...all I want is...

I always get tickled when I hear children recount the day.  So many times what we think they perceive and what they actually perceive are two very different things.  My grandson, Parker, started Kindergarten this week.  At the celebratory dinner the firstWe didn't work out.  The coach just talked!  Why is it called a gym if we aren't going to workout? After regaining our composure, we all tried to explain to him about going to the gym at school and how it differed from going to the gym with mom.  I don't think he was convinced.   His background knowledge told him differently.
night we were all peppering him with questions about his day.  First, he wasn't quite sure why we were asking.  After all, we are grown ups, we know about school, so why are we asking.  I think my favorite was him telling us that he thought going to the gym was lame.  Of course we asked why to which he responded,

The second misunderstanding or different perception came when his mom asked him if any of the other kids were nervous.  He quickly replied, yes, me!  We all immediately asked why would he have been nervous.  Parker stated that he was nervous because he couldn't breathe trying to keep that bubble in his mouth!  For those of you not familiar with the bubble and duck tail terms, teachers ask kids to 'put a bubble in their mouth' and have 'ducktails'.  The bubble is simply the child puffing out their cheeks and breathing through the nose thereby keeping them from talking.  A duck tail is when the kids put their hands behind their back.  Personally I think they are silly terms and very hard for small children to do, especially the duck tail.  Their hands don't even reach!   Not sure why we just don't say, don't talk and keep your hands to yourself, but I digress.   Parker obviously was trying not to breathe.   I am sure his teacher assumed the kids knew to keep breathing.  So that he wouldn't be nervous, we practiced that evening.

So that made me think.   What do the kids want, how do they perceive things.   Here's the list.
1. Please remember that I may or may not have been in school before.  This may be my very first time and that's okay.  I know it would make your job easier but in many states preschool and Kindergarten are not required.  So a lot of things you take for granted as an adult, I have no clue.
2.  It may take me more than one attempt to master something.  After all, I haven't been on the earth that long.  I am guessing that even as an adult, it takes you more than one attempt to truly master some things.
3. Just because I may not be very vocal doesn't mean I am not bright.   I may be shy and feel intimidated.  Please be patient with me.  Don't keep putting me on the spot...that just makes me nervous.
4. I may be very good with numbers, but please don't assume I know everything about letters.   I have heard that different areas of the brain develop at different times.
5.  If my birthday is close to the beginning of the year, please do not call me a baby or young '5' or whatever age.  I might not be as old as some of the other children but I am learning,  and who knows, I may be just as bright as the 'older' kids.
6. Likewise, if my birthday is late in the year or the summer, please do not assume I am going to pick everything up easily.   Some things will come easily and some things may not.
7. Some days I may be in a bad mood or not follow the rules.  Discipline me but please be respectful of me.  Don't talk about me to other teachers in front of me.  Guess what, I can hear you!  And don't publicly humiliate me by asking the other children what 'we should do'?
8. If I lose a reward or mess up, please give me a chance to make it up and start over.   Some days I may just come to school grumpy.  I hate for the entire day to be judged on how I walked in.  I think you have walked in grumpy and I gave you a chance.
9. If my mom or dad forget to do something or return something, please don't take it out on me. Don't ask me why they did or didn't do something.  I probably do not know and it will make me feel badly.
10.  I really love when you smile at me and encourage me to do my best.  It makes me feel important and smart.
11.  I really just want you to like me for who I am.   You don't have to love me like my parents do but just like me and be glad I am in your class.

Dear Parent...all I want is...

When my oldest daughter Emily was in Kindergarten she told her teacher and the entire class that her dad worked at the zoo.  His job, apparently, was to walk the elephants around. Her teacher called me because she didn't think this was correct but wanted to make sure since Emily had told the class her dad would give them all elephant rides when they visited the zoo on the field trip.  That's when I learned, I will believe half of what my child comes home and tells me about you if you will do the same!  Sometimes children just have a great imagination, sometimes they want to be like everyone else - like when one child announces they are going to have a baby brother and everyone in the class suddenly is going to have a baby brother too. Sometimes they just hear things differently from how the teacher said it. Think about how we 'mishear' song lyrics.

That made me think...if I could have given my parents a wish list of what I wanted, here is what it might have been.
1. Don't believe everything your child comes home and tells you.  If something sounds 'off' please call and double check.
2.Please read to your child every day or try to read every day.  I know life gets in the way, but even one book or a short poem will be helpful.  It can be anything, a recipe, a chapter out of a longer book, a verse out of your Bible, anything.   It will demonstrate that you value reading.
3. Please get your child on a routine for bedtime.  I know it's hard but children who get 8-10 hours of sleep do better.   Start a bedtime routine, it will pay off in the long run.
4. Set a time to go over things in the backpack.  Things will come home and many times they need to be returned.  Comment on things that your child has done.   Say things like, Tell me about this paper.  It will show your child that you are interested in what they are doing.
5. Set a special place at home for your child's backpack. Children get frazzled just as we do.  If they start their day running around looking for things, it can lead to them being frazzled at school.
6. Show your child that you value school.  Come to parent conferences, most teachers are willing to work with your schedule.  Come to Open House, Meet the Teacher.   I had to tell my husband every year, we go to open house because we are interested parents.  I know we have heard it for 12 years but we are going to show support and hear it again.  That drill practice or little league practice can wait.   Tell the coach you have to go to PTA. Don't model that you value soccer practice over school.
7. Don't tell your child something different, or 'don't tell the teacher'.  Young children will always tell the truth eventually.  When a child returns from being sick most teachers ask how they are feeling, are they better.  It's never good when the child says, I wasn't sick I was at the Ranger game with my dad!  My mom said not to tell you.  
8. Please don't bash me in front of your child.  I need your child to listen to me and follow the rules.  If your child knows you don't like me or respect me they won't either.   If you don't understand something, let me know.  Let's talk.
9. If you need to tell me something, please do, but also write it down.   First thing in the morning as all 22 children are coming in isn't a good time to tell me something.  I will more than likely forget.   Write it down and hand it to me.  I can read it as soon as everyone is settled.
10.  I have to assess your child on state standards.   Some standards I agree with and some I don't.  Unfortunately, I have to go on what your child does at school.  I wish I could take your word that your child does it at home but I can't.  Don't be mad, let's work together to have your child show me at school.  Don't compare your child with other children at the little league game or older siblings.
11. Understand that children learn and grow on their own time.   Your child may or may not be where the child sitting next to him is, that's okay.  Even though I have state standards and a goal for the end of the year, all I want is for your child to show growth during the year.   We will have to work together supporting each other at school and at home.
12. My main goal for your child is to love school, in any setting.  We will both have bad days, but overall we should love coming to school every day.  We can do that if we keep the communication lines open.

Dear Teacher...all I want is

Twas the night before school starts and all through the house....you know how it goes.  All of a sudden everything you thought you understood you now questioned.  Wait, did she say walk them to the cafeteria or the room?  The PowerPoint we watched said the cafeteria, but surely not the first day.  Oh, you got an email saying the room, we didn't.

Sending your first child off to school whether it be Kindergarten, Preschool, Day Care or Mother's Day Out is stressful and emotional.  So many things go through our head that really have nothing to do with school... Blast! I didn't think about that zipper getting stuck when he tries to zip his shorts. Nor did I think about how easily that required belt is to do and undo! The main thing every parent wants and hopes for is for their child to be liked at school by other children and by the teacher.   Bottom line, that's it.   Yes, we want them to learn, follow the rules, etc. but mostly to be loved by someone who loves their job and not have any embarrassing or humiliating moments.

Here are a few things from me, the parent, that will help me know that.
1. Say good morning and good bye not just to my child but every child each day.  It makes them feel special.
2. Don't just tell me what my child can't do (I know he is there to learn) but tell me what my child does well too.  That will help me accept the concerns you have.
3. My child may be a "pill' but he has good traits too!  Even if he doesn't act like it, he gets embarrassed easily.
4. My child thinks you hung the moon because you are her teacher.  So if you 'friend' your parents on Face Book, please don't post that you are already counting down to Christmas.  It makes me think you don't like your job.
5. I know you will get frustrated with my child and others, but when I volunteer, please don't share with me things about other children or parents.  It makes me wonder what you say about my child to others.
6.  I am here to learn right along side with my child.   School is a new experience.   I am not dumb or uninterested, I just don't know, so tell me, explain to me, teach me.
7.  My child has a unique name.  Before you make fun of it, ask me what it stands for or if my child is named after someone.
8.  I will always support you in front of my child but if I ask questions, it is because I really don't understand or know.  I am not being rude or questioning you.
9.  I realize you have 22 or more kiddos in your class, that's a lot but please don't complain to me about how unfair it is that you have that many.  I can't change that and it only stresses me out.
10.  I don't expect you to adore my child as I do.  I just want you to like my child and keep his enthusiasm for school going for the rest of the year.
I will be your partner if you will tell me what to do.

I am sure you know what's coming tomorrow!

Well that got us talking!

How fun!  Yesterday's post really got everyone talking.  I loved everyone sharing their memories of reading.  Let me say, there was a time when we thought all the crazy things we did after we read were important and beneficial.   But as we learn more about the brain, how children learn, etc. what we do as adult readers, we know that talking about books far exceeds any 'craft' we might do.

A good friend of mine raised a good point, what about reading on a Kindle or other device as opposed to reading a 'real' book?  I share her dilemma.  I love books.  I love the feel, the smell, everything about a book.   I am always heartbroken when another book store bites the dust.  I have tried to embrace electronic reading, I really have.  My husband subscribes to magazines on his phone and loves it.   I can't decide if it's my old eyes or just the old me, but I can't do it.  I love holding magazines.  If you read on a device, keep it up!  I know some people love it.  It just raises food for thought.

Regardless of how you read, label it, talk about it.  That is the important part.  Children need to see that we read as adults.  Reading is part of our every day!  As you read say things like, I need to read this mail.  I am reading this article.  Let me read this recipe.  I just read an email. Another friend shared with me that when her grandson comes over, he sits in his chair and she sits in hers and they both read.   I love that!  They are never too young to start behaving like a reader.  

My secret fear is that books will have the same fate as the slide rule!  Obsolete.  If they do, I know the world will survive but we will need to be more intentional about talking about our reading.  Kids will need to know when we are reading  and when we are playing a game. Bottom line, reading is reading!

Sometimes you have to undo what the school does...oops

Educators will tell you that your child needs to be a lifelong reader.  Actually everyone needs to be a lifelong learner.  Reading enables us to do that.  But teachers throw the term 'lifelong reader' around like it's easy to be one.  Sadly in schools we do a lot to make kids hate reading.  We have them dress up like a favorite character, make a diorama, create a book jacket, keep a journal. Honestly, when you finish a great book, do you dress up like the character and walk down the hall?  I don't.  I pick up the phone and call one of my sisters and tell them they HAVE to read the book.   I take the book to work and tell my friends to read it. I recommend it.

True confession, my daughter Emily, had to make a diorama in some grade after she read Charlotte's Web.  After investing the national debt and several trips to the local craft store, it was a beautiful representation of the book.  She got an A.  We really had no idea if she enjoyed the book, understood the book, but she created a beautiful diorama.  We, I mean she, had invested so much time and money that we saved it. A few years later, Amy is in the same grade.  SHE had to make a diorama on Charlotte's Web.  We still had the museum-ready diorama, so we dusted it off, touched up the paint and we had a beautiful diorama.  Skip ahead a few more years and Blake is in the same grade.  You guessed it, the dreaded diorama was due.   So we did what every stressed out over school parent did, we replaced the hay in the diorama, repainted it and we were set.

I am not proud of what we taught our kids.  But my children hated making dioramas.   After so many years of dressing up, creating a book jacket, keeping a journal on every thought they had as they read, drawing a picture after every paragraph, two of my kids swore they would never read again when they graduated.  In the school's attempt to create lifelong readers they had turned them off of reading.  They learned that reading meant doing a craft or something after they read.


Luckily, my husband and I are readers.  So while the school was unknowingly modeling one thing about reading, we were modeling the fun of reading, reading for a purpose, that we read even into adulthood.  We talked about what we were reading in front of them.   My husband would share something interesting he learned while reading his running magazine.  I would talk about how I had stayed up too late finishing my book.

My point is that if your children do not see you read for pleasure, for information, for whatever reason, they will never see or understand that we read as adults.  They might grow up thinking that reading is an exercise that they must endure until they graduate.  I don't care what you read, just read in front of your kids!

Proudly I can say that as adults, after a few years of not reading, all three of my kids enjoy reading.   They all read different things, but that's okay with me!  They are finally lifelong readers!

Let's Celebrate

We celebrate so many milestones with our children.   We call everyone in the world who will listen as soon as we think they have said, mama or dada.  Well, I guess now we tweet or post.  In all actuality it was probably a little burp. They sort of, kind of crawl and we celebrate.  Think about ALL the celebration that goes on with potty training!!  Regardless of how small the step, the word, the whatever, we celebrate.  And well we should.  Each of those things is very important in a child's development.  Each little encouragement gives them the confidence to continue.  We have given our approval.

What I don't get, is why we don't use that same thinking in a child's educational development.  The first little scribble on a paper deserves the same celebration because your child is demonstrating the first step as a writer.  Pick up a book, even upside down, first step in being a reader.  As your child starts to write his or her name, don't respond with Oh, that's close but this is how you write your name, or you left out the k.  Try, wow, look at you, you wrote your name!  As they mature and see the name in print and modeled seeing it being written, they will get it. Remember to a young child, they haven't learned that the order of the letters is important.   In their young mind,  if you read it, mixed up letters and all, it must work.

Let's keep that same thinking going with counting.  As young children learn to count there are just some number names that are difficult to say.  If they leave out a number, it's okay initially.   Respond with, You counted to 6!  Good for you!  As you count objects around the house or in counting books, then you can model including all the numbers.

We want kids to be risk takers in their learning.  That only happens when we celebrate attempts at learning and not always correcting them.  Check for that in your child's school, preschool, daycare etc. Do they allow for and celebrate attempts at learning?  Look for a risk free environment.

Keep celebrating, but be more inclusive in your celebrations.

They Just Got Here! Relatively Speaking

One of the most frequent responses I say to teachers is, Give them a break, they have only been on earth 5 years!  Teachers laugh but then realize the truth in that statement.   As teachers we want kids to learn everything (some teachers want them to know it before they get to school.)  Parents get frustrated because their child can't do something.  But think about it, they just got on earth like 3 or 5 years ago!  Can we give them a little time to just learn the ways of life?

I know, I know, research shows that children learn so much before the age of 5 and yes, they do.   But, that doesn't mean they learn everything in those first 5 years!  Just like adults, as a child learns something new, he or she tests it against what is already known.  Once a child learns something, that new knowledge is then generalized.   For example, have you seen a child start to make the letter 's' and keep making the line so it now looks like a snake?  That child is testing the limits and thinking, This is an 's', if I make it like this is it still an 's'?  How far can I go before it is no longer an 's'? 

Think of all the things we refer to as a cup, or a couch. Lots of different images come to mind.  In their short time on earth, children have heard adults refer to several different looking objects by one term.  In their young, developing minds, that is true of everything. Take the letter b.   If a 'cup' can look different and still be a 'cup, why can't the letter b also look like, p, d, or q?  Remember, they haven't been on earth that long and they are trying to make sense of what they are learning, checking it against what they already know.  They could be thinking, This is crazy!  We can call all these things a cup but adults are picky about the letter b!

When a child is writing, typically in the beginning, they will start wherever their little hand falls on the paper.  In their mind, if there isn't enough room left on the page, they will just randomly put the letters where there is space.  Makes sense to them. They are not aware, nor care about, left to right.   In their mind, you write on paper, and they did!  If it really troubles you, put a green dot on the left side of the paper and a red dot on the right.  Tell your child to start at the green dot, left side and stop at the right, then go back to the green dot.

Let's give them a few more months on earth before we start to panic.  Yes, there are children with learning disabilities, but there are a lot more children just trying to learn the ways of the world.

Take a deep breath!

Come on ...think about it.

There are some things that are really hard to teach.  As I said in a previous blog entry, teaching the difference between what is interesting and what is important can be difficult.   On the other hand, there are some things that are easy to teach.   For the life of me, I can't understand how a child could come to school and not know some things, like colors.  My husband reminds me that it is only because I am in the business.  Maybe, but I just think parents don't think about it.

Take colors for example.  How can a child grow to be five years old and not know colors?  Think about it, as you dress your child or they dress themselves, just talk.  Say things like, We are putting on your pink shorts.  Let's get your blue shirt.  Can you get your green truck?  As you drive down the street say, do you see that brown dog? Better yet, do you see that mangy, brown dog?  That means he is dirty and needs a hair cut.   He is out of control. See it really is easy.

While you are at it, teach left and right.   This can sometimes be difficult for kids to grasp.  But if you use the terms in authentic situations, they will learn it.  Again, as you get your child dressed, say, I need your left foot for your shoe.   Put your right arm in.  Parker, who is five, knows left and right from Ms. Navigator in the car.  He has heard Ms. Navigator tell his mom to 'turn left' so many times that now when the navigator isn't on, he will ask, Mom, are we turning left or right?

Use everyday experiences and routines to teach the basic skills that really are easy (and necessary).  Your child may not know the difference between taupe, beige and off-white, but your child will learn the basic colors.

Interesting vs. important; hard skill, teach them early.

Remember in school when you had to find the main idea?  If you were like me you highlighted the important parts as you read.  When you were done reading was the whole page highlighted?  Yep, that was me too.   I thought everything I read was important.  Guess what, they still teach that and it is still hard for kids to distinguish between what is important and what is interesting.  I am not suggesting that you teach a 4 or 5 year old how to determine the main idea.   I am suggesting that you plant that language in their brain through authentic situations.

In nonfiction books, authors write a lot of stuff that is really cool to get you hooked to keep reading.   That's the interesting part, not the main idea or important part.   Kids (and me) remember the really cool stuff and have a hard time distinguishing between the two.

Remember the inference lesson while standing in the checkout line?  That's what I am talking about; take a real life situation and plant language in your child's brain to build that background knowledge he or she will need later in school.

Recently my El Paso grandkids were coming to visit.  Parker, who is five, is a planner.  Weeks before they were coming he decided he would go ahead and pack.  He packed his suitcase and left it by the front door.  When his mother looked in it, you guessed, the suitcase was full of toys and books but no clothes.  She took the opportunity to informally teach interesting versus important.

She told him he had done a great job packing some really interesting things but what would be really important for a trip to G's house?   Things that he absolutely had to have?  There might be a problem if he didn't have it?  So they discussed the items in the suitcase, each time asking, Is this important or interesting?   Can I go to G's house if I have this or no?  Obviously, he really doesn't need anything because we could buy whatever he needed but it's the thinking process.  It would be interesting (or fun) to take his entire super hero collection, but not important because G has toys at her house.   It would be very important to take some clothes, though.   It's very important to take a pair of shoes.   Get the idea?

Where are you going or what are you doing that you could engage your child in a discussion of interesting or important?  Maybe you are going to the pool.  What is very important to take as opposed to what would be fun but it's okay if you don't have it?  Going on a walk?  It's important to take your keys and some water.  It would be fun (or interesting) to have your camera, but it's not important.

The fun part is weeks later when you are getting ready to do something and your child initiates the interesting and important conversation.  What's even more fun is when your child goes to school with the background knowledge to determine what is interesting and what is important when he or she reads.

In my example, my El Paso grandkids coming to visit and Parker packing weeks in advance was interesting but not important to my message.   Did you catch that?   I knew you would.

You're Wearing That... To School??

How many times have we secretly cringed because our child left the house as a firefighter, a princess, Spiderman or in just random mismatched clothes with rain boots?  Admit it, we smile and think it's cute when we see others but when it is our child...oh my gosh...how embarrassing.   

I have personal experience with this.  My oldest daughter loved to dress up when she was young.  She went to school in dance costumes and as Cinderella, but not dressed for the ball, working in the cinders.   My favorite by far was when she wanted long hair.   Obviously she didn't have long hair but she wanted it.  She wanted to be able to flip it over her shoulders.  As any 5 year old would do (never) she paper clipped two bandannas to her head and off to school she went.  I prayed two things that morning.  One, that every adult who saw her would realize I didn't do it and two, every adult would recognize this hair style was the most recent attempt in building her self esteem.  My second daughter felt one could never have too many hair accessories.   If one clip or hair bow looked good, then 17 looked even better.  Yep, off to school she would go with 10 pounds of hair clips and bows in her hair.

If you can't relate in anyway to the above scenarios you either have no children or you may be too controlling over what they wear.  I have friends who have small children and they share with me that getting their child dressed is such a battle.  It shouldn't be.  Letting your child choose what he or she is going to wear is important in building self esteem.  Self esteem or self confidence is so important when they go to school.   It enables the child to take on new situations without being afraid or nervous.  It's a life long skill that will serve them well in adulthood.

If it's hard to give up all control in the morning, and yes there are times when we really want them to look like we dressed them. Here are two ways to approach it.   Alternate days.  Eventually I convinced Emily that this was a day mom picked out what she was going to wear.   The next day she could choose.  Be aware though, that on the child's day, you don't intervene.  The second way is to get out two or three outfits and they choose from those.   You still control what they wear but they feel like they have freedom.

Bottom line, it's important for children to develop self esteem.  I love seeing Batman, Hulk and Cinderella and Sophia out while I am shopping.   Know too that they grow out of it.   Know how I know?   I don't see adults dressed up when I am out and about.

The evil digital device...or do we need balance?

This is a scene we see all the time...people of all ages on their mobile devices.   I love my smart phone!  I love being able to check emails and get right back to people.   I love being able to post pictures immediately.  Most of all, I love being able to keep up with my out of town grands. I honestly don't know how people did it back in the olden days!

A few years ago, my husband and I were being seated at a restaurant and I noticed a family of four all with their heads bowed.   I thought to myself, wow, an entire family saying a quiet prayer. Pretty cool. As we walked by I realized they weren't praying, they were on their own phones.  I watched through the whole meal and they never conversed.  They did eat however, yet never putting down their phones.  My husband kept reminding me it wasn't my business.   I wanted to pretend it was John Quinones and a "What Would You Do?" segment and say something.  I didn't.

Yesterday, Good Morning America ran a story on parents being on digital devices when they are with their children. There was one dad at the playground, on his phone while his children played. According to him, it made him a better parent because he was able to work and still be with his kiddos.  The other dad, obviously playing it up for the story was telling his son to wait until he was done, basically ignoring his child while on his device.

Again, don't get me wrong.   I think digital devices are great.   But too many times I see children acting out to get attention from parents on those devices.  The child ends up getting in trouble because they just want the parent to listen to them, or ask something.  The child wasn't really at fault.  He or she just wanted some attention.   Yes, the child needs to learn to wait but explain that.   Say something like, let me send this email or check this and then I will....  But then do it.

Sometimes I am guilty of checking email and half listening to my husband.  He will quickly say, "What did I say?  You aren't listening to me."   He is right.  I was half listening; I wasn't in the present moment.  I think secretly we are all guilty.  Don't our children (or friends) deserve 100% of our attention when we are together?

The GMA reporter suggested we have a balance or rules.   My house rule has always been when we are at the table, no phones.   They can't even just be sitting nicely on the table.

So here is the challenge....for me and feel free to join me.   I am going to put down my phone, away from me, when I am playing with Lola.  So if you email or message me, I might not get right back to you.   I am going to be in the present moment.

Give it try.  It might be fun!

5 Cent Words - 50 Cent Words

Why use a "50 cent" word when a " 5 cent" word will do?   What the heck are 'cent' words anyway?  In classrooms, many times we tell children that a big word is a million dollar word.   It makes children feel big.  More importantly it increases their vocabulary.  For example, read this dialogue from 

Sagacious, Sophisticated, and Sedulous: The Importance of Discussing 50-Cent Words With Preschoolers - I might add, all children.

Ms. Doran: Unruly means hard to control. It was hard for Henry to make his hair do 

what he wanted it to do—stay down. Your hair might be unruly when you wake up 

in the morning.

Jason: Yeah, my mom’s hair is messy.

Ms. Doran: When she first wakes up?

Jason: Yeah, all over, like this (hands circling head). 

Ms. Doran: It sounds like her hair is unruly, too. Hard to control.

I am the first to state that low level, high frequency words such as like, the, and, was are very important in learning to read.  Check out my app Read With TedDee to see how children use them to read.   But reading isn't just about high frequency or sight words.   It's about language and building background knowledge (schema).   When children learn big, 50 cent words, they use them in conversations.  When they encounter them later in reading, they build context - comprehension.  Most teachers will be the first to agree with the above article that increased vocabulary gives children a boost in school.

So today, as you go through your day, as you talk to your child use those 50 cent words. Instead of using the word get use retrieve.  Use specific words, grocery store or market instead of just store; inhaling instead of eating fast; slumber instead of sleep.  Be sure you tell them what the word means too.  You don't just say, today you were a vegetarian, hope you know that word. Instead you say, today you were a vegetarian, you only ate vegetables. That's what a vegetarian is.

Let me know the 50 cent words YOUR child uses.

The Power of Modeling

The attached picture reminds me of the power of modeling.  Trust me Lola's parents did not teach her how to hold a microphone and sing.  Her mother does however, watch The Voice on a regular basis and obviously, Lola has been in the room and watched it too.  This just illustrates how much young children, really children of all ages, learn from modeling.  

Think about it, how many times have we thought of the old saying, Do as I say, not as I do?  Unfortunately, or fortunately however you decide to look at it, what we do is more powerful.  Take a moment and reflect on the things you have observed your child do without having really taught them.   Ever seen a small child pick up an object, hold it to their ear and pretend to talk on the phone?  How about when they take that same object and pretend they are texting?  One of my favorite things Lola does is imitate us telling the dogs to get out.   She has observed us do that enough times that she feels free to tell other random dogs she sees to 'get out' waving her arms wildly.

Modeling can be so powerful in a positive way.  Children learn things without us having to sit down and actually teach them.   Modeling can also be negative.  When we raise our voice to another, we are still modeling.  When we ignore someone when they are speaking to us, we are modeling. When we are impatient with our child or others, we are modeling.  This negative modeling was made apparent to me when my middle daughter was in elementary school.   She is a tad of a perfectionist.  At a parent conference her teacher was concerned that Amy was very hard on herself.  She asked if we put pressure on her to always be right.  At first I was offended, of course we wouldn't do that!   As the conversation went on, my husband pointed out to me that I am very hard on myself.   I would subvocalize when I was working on something saying things like, Teddi, you are so dumb, you should know that.   Why did you mess that up? I can't believe you would do that! to name a few things.   Usually the kids were doing something else but they could  still hear me.   So, even though I wasn't telling them you have be perfect, do everything right, I was modeling with myself that yes, you do need to do everything right.

This week think about what you are modeling.  Give yourself a pat on the back for the things you model positively.  I know you do a lot. After you feel good about yourself, reflect on any behaviors your child exhibits that you aren't crazy about.   Think, hmmmmm could I have some how modeled that?   Obviously you didn't model throwing yourself down in the grocery store and pitching a fit, at least I haven't seen any adults do that.   But what have you modeled?   Frustration?

Happy modeling!

Baby you were born to....write

That's right!  I believe we were all born writers.  Think about it, if you have young children you probably have already experienced them writing on a surface or themselves obviously without you telling them to.

Children love to write. This is one of those things that even though they may not see it modeled with the onslaught of technology,  when they pick up a writing utensil, they naturally know to scribble on something.  Then unfortunately, well meaning adults either at school or home, convince them otherwise and shut them down as writers.

We need to encourage this writing and allow them to 'write'.  Maybe not on the table but on paper, any type of paper.   Have a collection of sticky notes, computer paper, note pads, etc. so they may write anytime.   Have a collection of pens, markers and pencils available.

Writing is the reciprocal piece of reading.   When we read, we put the skills together to 'read' the words. When we write, we have to take the words apart to spell them.  As we read, our writing improves and vice versa.

When your child writes, before you think "oh she scribbled on that," say "Oh wow, look what you wrote.  Tell me about it."  Yes I realize you can't read it but your child will begin to see herself or himself as a writer.

As your child enters schools, whether it is prekindergarten, kindergarten or 1st grade, ask about the authentic writing experiences afforded to him or her.   I will write more about that later.

So sing Bruce Springsteen's....baby you were born to......write!  I am sure that's what he meant.

School Supplies Gone Crazy

Let me say up front this in not meant to upset my teacher friends....but maybe give you pause for thought.

Nothing could invoke a debate or argument in our house faster than the topic of school supplies.  Being a teacher, I understood the need for supplies and yes, even had a supply list, within reason.   My husband on the other hand would go into his yearly tirade about free public education and why did school supplies cost us the national debt?  Why did we have to take out a loan just to cover school supplies?  For three children it was a lot!  There were years when our children had to take them in stages the first few weeks because we couldn't afford all the supplies for all three right at the beginning of the year.  Yes, yes, I know some people buy supplies through the summer.  I did that once only to find out that the teacher had her own list that was handed out the first day of school.

I might exaggerate a little bit but it is true.  Every summer when I see the school supply lists in the stores my heart starts to race.  I have been known to stop and console a crying parent, yes crying, in the aisle at the store because their list says a specific type of marker which just happens to be twice the price of the store brand.  I tried to explain that any marker will do and the teacher will be thrilled to have them.  Of course they don't believe me, I am just a crazy woman interrupting their shopping.  Most parents are afraid to veer from the list or upset the teacher before the year even starts.

I will be the first to agree that children need to bring pencils, crayons, scissors, etc.  But being a teacher, I know full well what is for the teacher and what the students will be using.   A ream of copy paper, really?  If a teacher goes through that much paper in one year for little  kids (that's at least 22 reams) maybe the use of paper should be rethought. Treasures for the treasure box?
It is out of control.  As teachers we don't make a lot, I get that.  Let me add though that compared to 1980 it's a lot.  Let me also add that for many, it is more than the parent trying to buy the supplies.  I digressed, though.  The final straw for my husband one year, was when we confessed we had not bought the supplies yet, but we would send them.  The teacher said, "Oh don't buy any of that now, I have more than enough.  Instead get...."   Imagine our conversation on the way home!

For parents, here is my suggestion.  Before you get upset, if there is something on the list that you aren't sure how it will be used - ask.  One year our supply list had a specific type of glue stick listed.  We had already bought the off brand because I could get a pack cheaper than the individual one. The teacher returned it and explained that the one she requested fit better in her drawer.  Really? If you can't buy all of it at once, don't worry about it.   Tell the teacher you will send them later.  There is no state law saying that all supplies are due the first day of school. I know teachers like to have everything put away immediately, but really it will be fine.

For my teacher friends, seriously think through your supply list.   I know you spend a lot of your own money.   But is that supply that important to pass the cost to the parent?   Sometimes your answer will be an absolute yes, but other times?  If they don't send it, let it go.  If they send it in stages, let it go.   If they send the wrong size glue stick ......let it go!  If it is that important, call me.  I will buy it for you.   There is nothing worse than a child being upset over silly school supplies.

Crummy Parents? I Think Not

How many times over my 30+ years in education did I hear how disappointed teachers were with parents?  You can't go a day on any social media and not see a cartoon or article about how to be a better parent. Interestingly, these posts and articles are typically by people who have no children or work with children and then go home.  Hmmm, that was me thirty years ago.

When I first began teaching in an upper middle class school district, I had no children.  I was fresh out of college and had everything figured out!  I would conference with parents (most of whom stayed home) and tell them they needed to read to their child for 30 minutes every night.  Have two children?  No problem, each parent read to a child and then switch.  Each child will have 'special, independent' time.  It made perfect sense to me. Notice I didn't consider anyone might have more than two children or work outside the home.

A few years later I had my first child.   My philosophy still held true.  My husband or I read to her every night.  It was easy.  Our lives revolved around her, we had nothing else to do.   Then a few years later we had our second daughter.  We still read every night but by the time we got home from work, got dinner and baths we read to both at the same time.   Plus, the girls liked being read to together.

Fast forward a few years and along came our son.   Yes, the children now outnumbered the parents! Our oldest was in Kindergarten and bringing home homework.  She was supposed to be read to every night for 20-30 minutes.  By the time we got home and got her additional homework done, which by the way was usually a family project,  we all read together.   I must admit a few nights we fudged.   We didn't read but we said we did,   There were even a few nights I had our oldest read to our youngest.   We were running out of daylight!  I must confess while I was driving I even threw a book into the backseat and called it reading a few times.

I wasn't a bad parent, life just happened.   Until you have children,  you don't get it.   I think back to all the parents I had at the beginning of my childless career and wish I could apologize to them.  I believe they were trying to do the best they could.

I will go to my grave believing that no parent looks in the mirror and says, "I want to be a bad parent today."  I think parents parent the way they were parented or try to do the opposite.  Some parents read so many books they don't know what to do.

As educators, we have the degree.   We know it's important to read and talk to children.   A lot of parents know that, a lot don't.   That doesn't make them a bad parent.  There are a lot of parents just trying to get dinner on the table, working as hard as they can.  As teachers we ask a lot of parents.  Yes, asking a parent to read 20 minutes a night doesn't seem like a lot on the surface but it might be.

I truly believe parents are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have.  I think as teachers we need to suggest easy, quick things parents can do at home and cut them some slack.   I think parents need to realize a lot of what they can do is easy.  In the car, turn off the DVD player and talk while you are driving.   That's a start.

Everyone just breathe.

Math versus Reading...the debate

I am married to a math person, two of my three children majored in math, one going on to get a Master's degree in it.  You can imagine the conversation over the years about which is more important, reading or math.  Of course, being a literacy person, reading always won in my book.   If children can't read, pretty much everything else is a mute point.  My math people can argue just as vehemently that everything we do during the day involves math.   Good point.

Regardless of whether you believe reading will save the world or math will, there are children who are drawn to numbers and excel in that area.  While I may not agree 100% with a school built entirely around math, I do believe that we need to be more accurate with our language when it comes to math.

It really is easy.  Kindergarten teachers have a very hard time convincing children that the geometrical shape is a rhombus not a diamond.   The 'kite' is not a geometric shape.  So when you are talking shapes with your child use the correct term.  Children can learn big dinosaur words, they can just as easily learn the term rhombus. 

When you are coming out of a store, ask your child, which car is farther, which is closer?  Which is larger, smaller?  While at the grocery store in the produce section ask which bin as more, which has fewer?   When giving your child another apple slice (or whatever) ask, how many do you have now?   That's right you did have___ and now you have ___.  Stop at a stop sign and state that the shape is an octagon, it has eight sides.

We owe it to our children to develop their math language naturally.  They may never attend a school based entirely on math, they may not major in math, but they will definitely have an easier time when they get to school understanding math.

More Than Pretty

Vocabulary is so important.   It is what gives children the advantage when they enter school.  As I have said before, it isn't hard to do at all.
We are vacationing in Estes Park Colorado this week.  While on our hike yesterday we would pass different groups of people.  I was surprised at the number of adults who missed natural opportunities to introduce vocabulary to their child.

One particular spot had gorgeous waterfalls.  In fact, many people hike to this spot just to see the falls. There was a family with three young children.  The kids kept saying excitedly, Look at the water, look at the water!  The mother would answer, I see it, isn't it pretty?    I thought to myself, pretty?  No, it's beautiful, it's gorgeous, it's magnificent!  So many more adjectives than pretty. Never did the mother even call them falls, or waterfalls.

As you go through your day with your children, think about the words you are using.  Are you choosing the best word to describe something?   So many times in school the only words children can think of to describe something are, pretty, nice, mad, sad.   We need to start using more words  in
order for them to increase their vocabulary.

Still Reading Aloud?

We decided that pediatricians supporting reading aloud to our children is a good thing.  More parents will now recognize the importance of this activity and the boost it gives their child.  More and more parents will be discussing the books they read to their child at the various events at which parents attend.  So let's take it up a notch.

When it comes to what we feed our children we know they need a well balanced diet.  They need fruits, meats, dairy, vegetables etc.  The same applies when we read books to our children.  They need a well balanced diet.   It is important to read a variety of genres to them.  We need to read both fiction and nonfiction books to them.  Don't just read  stories to them but books about different animals; zoo animals, farm animals, baby animals.  Include nursery rhymes, poems, the classic fairy tales.  This wide range of reading will increase their background knowledge (schema) as well as improve their vocabulary.