The Power of Modeling

The attached picture reminds me of the power of modeling.  Trust me Lola's parents did not teach her how to hold a microphone and sing.  Her mother does however, watch The Voice on a regular basis and obviously, Lola has been in the room and watched it too.  This just illustrates how much young children, really children of all ages, learn from modeling.  

Think about it, how many times have we thought of the old saying, Do as I say, not as I do?  Unfortunately, or fortunately however you decide to look at it, what we do is more powerful.  Take a moment and reflect on the things you have observed your child do without having really taught them.   Ever seen a small child pick up an object, hold it to their ear and pretend to talk on the phone?  How about when they take that same object and pretend they are texting?  One of my favorite things Lola does is imitate us telling the dogs to get out.   She has observed us do that enough times that she feels free to tell other random dogs she sees to 'get out' waving her arms wildly.

Modeling can be so powerful in a positive way.  Children learn things without us having to sit down and actually teach them.   Modeling can also be negative.  When we raise our voice to another, we are still modeling.  When we ignore someone when they are speaking to us, we are modeling. When we are impatient with our child or others, we are modeling.  This negative modeling was made apparent to me when my middle daughter was in elementary school.   She is a tad of a perfectionist.  At a parent conference her teacher was concerned that Amy was very hard on herself.  She asked if we put pressure on her to always be right.  At first I was offended, of course we wouldn't do that!   As the conversation went on, my husband pointed out to me that I am very hard on myself.   I would subvocalize when I was working on something saying things like, Teddi, you are so dumb, you should know that.   Why did you mess that up? I can't believe you would do that! to name a few things.   Usually the kids were doing something else but they could  still hear me.   So, even though I wasn't telling them you have be perfect, do everything right, I was modeling with myself that yes, you do need to do everything right.

This week think about what you are modeling.  Give yourself a pat on the back for the things you model positively.  I know you do a lot. After you feel good about yourself, reflect on any behaviors your child exhibits that you aren't crazy about.   Think, hmmmmm could I have some how modeled that?   Obviously you didn't model throwing yourself down in the grocery store and pitching a fit, at least I haven't seen any adults do that.   But what have you modeled?   Frustration?

Happy modeling!